Hotel room, small town bar No room service just candy bars No pay channels, TV's on Hotel cable showing "Lockdown" Spending hard time on the inside From my queen size. . . . Spending hard time on the inside From behind my guilty eyes Whiskey while I'm on death watch Just Old Crow not blended scotch It's a pleasure, a guilty one Watching how I hope I don't end up Spending hard time on the inside From my queen size. . . . Spending hard time on the inside From behind my guilty eyes Solitary for both of us But I get choices so I'll skip the pushups! Blood stained sheets just leave 'em be Lock me in and swallow the key No pay channels, TV's on Hotel cable showing "Lockdown", showing "Lockdown" Spending hard time on the inside From my queen size. . . . Spending hard time on the inside From behind my guilty eyes

I weighed too many pounds before I lost them My diet has been very very great It wasn't cutting carbs or fat or protein My losses stem from something else I ate It wasn't that my will was highly powered I didn't lose to please a friend of mine The secret of my health is told in hours Of sad exposure limited in time. It was Eggs! Cadbury! Sticky and sweet No one has ever found better to eat They are round, wrapped in silver foil Some in this room, calling me down to my doom I learned of them while sitting on my keister A bunny rabbit crossed my tv screen To say you'd only find these orbs 'til Easter And then they never would again be seen So now I knew my risk had boundary limits Now I knew that risk had limit bounds If dieting is hell then I was in it To dream and then awaken to the sounds, of Eggs! Cadbury! Sticky and sweet! No one has ever found better to eat They are round, wrapped in silver foil Some in this room, calling me down to my doom I flirted with disaster through the season Then held my breath awaiting each return That tiny Easter window was the reason That I could eat so freely and not learn That some things good in small amounts are poison If then consumed a dozen times or more For few can turn to many then to hundreds And that is why my pancreas is sore, of Eggs! Cadbury! Sticky and sweet No one has ever found better to eat They are round, wrapped in silver foil Now sold in green, as a treat for Halloween Just once a year was something I could handle A sweet and special modicum of sin But more exposure sent me through the bramble That second window was what did me in Though truthfully by then it didn't matter Mere retail's not the only source of harm Just sitting in my room I can get fatter For there are eggs on Amazon dot com: bulk Eggs! Cadbury! Sticky and sweet No one has ever found better to eat They are round, wrapped in silver foil Some in this room, calling us down to our doom To lose that weight I had to kick the habit Of eating any food that I could find I cursed the day I saw that evil rabbit But in the end I repossessed my mind To summon all the will that I could muster I finally beat those eggs and whipped them well If you would like to follow my example I have a single message left to tell: avoid Eggs! Cadbury! Sticky and sweet No one has ever found better to eat They are round, wrapped in silver foil Some in this room, calling us down to our doom

It piles on the desk Collects in every crevice It makes an awful mess I just cannot live like this But I can win Three quarters a dime two nickels and four cents This perfect ten Will match any decimal. Have patience. I'm sorry but when exactly did it become a crime To pay with exact change when others are in line Is it too much to take? My predilection in stride It isn't fair to make Your value system into mine It's just like you To hold out your hand then curl it in a fist You know it's true Get off my back and listen to this I'm sorry but when exactly did it become a crime To pay with exact change when others are in line 1,2,3,25, 50, 60, 65, 70... $3.71 exactly The crosses on my back may bore a hole straight through me but if I don't react you'll know that I'm not sorry I'm sorry but when exactly did it become a crime To pay with exact change when others are in line I'm sorry but when exactly did it become a crime To pay with exact change when others are in line

First heard them in a city of angels In the middle of a nameless street An echo through the alleys and underground Somebody said “Just take a seat: “Their best years are already behind them And the best weren’t really all that good So stop taking joy from garbage Just like any man of taste would” It isn’t cool to like U2 I’m not sure that it ever was It isn’t cool to like U2 But someone you know probably does Something ‘bout love and pride Something ‘bout the IRA Something ‘bout a bloody Sunday Followed by a beautiful day The critics flourish mighty pens The public’s gonna have their say They don’t wanna pay anymore But they complain if you give it away It isn’t cool to like U2 I’m not sure that it ever was It isn’t cool to like U2 But someone you know probably does It isn’t cool to like U2 But I still crank it anyway I still feel my blood running hotter When I hear that Ireland delay I rarely sing this praise outside my car Or over the hum of my earbuds “I don’t care what people think” So everyone says, but everyone does. Or, it would seem so. So it would seem We never would dream so But here we all are, so.. It isn’t cool to like U2 I’m not sure that it ever was It isn’t cool to like U2 But someone you know probably does It isn’t cool to like U2 But I still crank it anyway I still feel my blood running hotter When I hear that Ireland delay

I am the king pin now Cops and criminals give me no rest Heavy is my crown I take challengers to the death The number one outlaw I have what it takes But once in a while I need a break Secret desire Secret desire No one knows my secret desire Oh little precious so furry and fat Secret desire Internet cats My troubles disappear When taco tongue Tuesday rolls around I’d lose respect and fear If they found out I text Colonel Meow The hardcore king blows off steam Reading the I Can Haz Cheezburger Memes Secret desire Secret desire No one knows my secret desire Oh little precious so furry and fat Secret desire Internet cats He’s playing piano like a person! Look! Ah ha ha ha ha ha Secret desire Secret desire No one can know my secret desire Oh little precious so furry and fat my secret desire Internet cats

You never call me when you're sober You say we're over Although I've missed you So even though it's just a sex thing When you're texting I can't resist you Well, I shouldn't settle for whatever I can get But you're like a candy cigarette You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich I eat whatever junk's in reach, things like gummy peach rings or even pork rinds I sent a message to you tonight I'm hoping you might be in the wrong mind And I should never stoop to begging for your scraps But you're like a creme-filled game of craps You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich We know our bitter selves So let's not kid ourselves At least not any longer than it takes to binge and purge In this metaphor I'm not some kind of petit four That you can reach for anytime you can't resist the urge It's all self-loathing with a heaping side of scorn You're like cookie-dough-core porn You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich You're so sweet, you make my mouth water You're so sweet, you make my tongue itch You're so sweet, you melt in the shower You're so sugar, you're so rich

Oh!! What I’d have done! What I’d have made! What I could have written, Or studied, or learned If I hadn’t been swayed! What I could have achieved With the time that I had If I never had played!! My dear wife, In her hunger to share All the things in her life Of which I ought to care, Went and all but insisted That I try out this game . . . And now, after Twenty-one hundred And fifty-five levels, And Heaven knows how many Weeks of my life, After racking up boosters And knocking off levels While lying there, Sharing a bed with my wife With the both of us glued To our mobile devices, It’s clear to me now What the terrible price is, ‘Cause after all this, I can look at my dear wife and say . . . There’ll prob’ly be Fifteen new levels next week . . . And there’s no sign this ever will end . . . (And I’m not sure I’d want it to anyway . . .)

I'd like to make a brief confession I have a problem with the drink The issue's not intoxication (Rather it's an) economical libation It isn't that I can't afford my vices I live in high society My friends wonder why I drink in private If they find out what I'm drinking They'll ask me what the hell I'm thinking Cheap Wine I don't have a taste for bourbon And I stay away from in gin I don't need a fancy Cabernet Or a twenty dollar Zin Drinking behind closed doors A penchant I can't ignore I might impress them with Armani suits Or when I flash my gold Movado And they may swoon over my Gucci shoes And I might drive a Mercedes But what I drink won't get the ladies Cheap wine I don't like to mix martinis I don't need to salt my rim Hold on to your Dom Perignon I'm drinking Andre on my own Drinking behind closed doors Just twist off the cap and pour Might not be sophisticated Might not show a pedigree Might not have a fancy label But I buy it by the case Because it tastes alright to me Cheap wine You might wonder why a man like me Has such a lousy palette But with all the flack that I receive I wish they didn't sell it Riuniti Charles Shaw Sutter Home And Franzia Rex Goliath Smoking Loon Got the Barefoot and the Boone's Carlo Rossi Yellowtail A jug of Gallo Never fails Call me crude, or unrefined Staying loyal to my cheap cheap wine

I’m getting older but I like to feel young sometimes Remember all the little things that used to be fun sometimes The games I used to play, ice cream was a treat TV shows, action figures, and the things I loved to eat Uh Oh! I still love my Spaghettios I used to have to know how to open a can, now it comes with a pop-top tab That 8 inch sauce pan, was the best friend I ever had You gotta cook for just the right time, the heat’s gotta be just so Stir it with a wooden spoon, till the bubbles round the edges start to show Uh Oh! I still love my Spaghettios People try to tell me to act my age. “Don’t you know that you are what you eat?” I guess I’m a little bit loopy, a little bit hot, And little be cheesy, and a little bit sweet Uh Oh! Yeah I’m gettin older and I like to feel young sometimes But that ain’t really it they just feel good in my tum sometimes So I’m gonna eat what I like, I don’t care what people say When the face on the can smiles at me, it kinda makes my day Uh oh! I still love my Spaghettios

Love Actually is a film I've seen a lot I know it isn't perfect but it somehow hits the spot If you're looking for a Christmas film it's either that, Die Hard or Elf But I would always choose Love Actually myself. Bilbo Baggins gets naked with a girl and they fake it but then they fall in love Rick Grimes stalks Keira Knightly, although rather politely, but she still loves the guy from 12 Years A Slave Love actually is a film I even own I know it's far from perfect but it gets me in the zone If you cannot find a copy you can borrow my blu-ray But don't think for a minute that I'm giving it away Hans Gruber flirts with his PA and upsets his lady: that's really not cool, Hans Skinny guy flys to Wisconsin where all the girls want him cos he's got a cute British accent Qui-Gon Jin cries cos his wife has died but then to his surprise he finds Claudia Schiffer by his side BIlly Bob Thornton kisses Hugh Grants tea lady and that makes him crazy and so he fires her but then changes his mind Love actually is a film I've seen a lot I know it isn't perfect but it somehow hits the spot If you're looking for a Christmas film it's either that, Die Hard or Elf But I would always choose Love Actually myself.

Sometimes I long for days long gone, when I was younger. Outdated methods and nostalgia, for these I hunger. Staying up late, refreshing all night. Trying to update my Piczo site. And I'll admit, I'ts a bit masochistic, and my friends look on in horror when I choose to use Internet Explorer. Sometimes I find it won't work all the time, but I still use it. I'll empty the cache, but still it will crash, and so I lose it. It might be slow, It may not be Chrome, but that bluish glow makes me feel at home. You say it's te worst, but it was my first, and your words don't hurt. No, I won't be getting sorer, 'Cause I choose to use Internet Explorer. Sometimes it will freeze, I'll fall to my knees, and give up for a while. but before the week ends, I'll be back there again, I'll be back with a smile. It may not be fast, It might not be stable, Not supported on Macs, But if you're willing, it's able. Haters gonna hate, but one more update might just make it great but it's probably too late, so we'll just have to wait to see the true fate of Internet Explorer. And I'll admit, I'ts a bit masochistic, and my friends look on in horror when I choose to use Internet Explorer.

in the bus or in the train at the shopping malls driving me insane the fashion police won’t be pleased but I am begging for girls with leggings girls in leggings black and tight girls in leggings I can watch all night feel so smooth catches my eye girls with leggings make me high I need girls in leggings girls in leggings rule my world in the park in the gym girls in leggings look so slim who can resist those beautiful legs girls in leggings make me beg I need girls in leggings girls in leggings rule my world girls in leggings black and tight girls in leggings I can watch all night when will they return into fashion the 80s were a delight

Another hard day at school I just want to get back home Turn on the screen and sit In front of it all alone Gonna hit a brand new search Gonna see what I can find Lose myself in all the pictures Drink some beer or maybe wine 'Cause I like p0rn And I like beer I like to drink and look at girls From the front and the rear Yeah, I like p0rn And I like wine It's my favorite way Of spending my time 'Cause I like p0rn Yeah, I like p0rn Oh, shit I hear a knock Who could be at my door? Oh! Hello, Mother dearest I didn't mean to stomp the floor What? No, don't look at that Let me turn off all the screens I was just doing homework Oh, it's kind of 'bout a dream 'Cause I like p0rn And I like beer I like to drin kand look at girls From the front and the rear Yeah, I like p0rn And I like wine It's my favorite way Of spending my time 'Cause I like p0rn Yeah, I like p0rn

Others will make the claims And you will judge You cut to the point Through muck and sludge You’re the one in charge Could we have a side bar? You have Harsher words They cut like swords They will make small claims And you’ll award If I called you "heaven-sent" Would you hold me in contempt (please)? You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, in the studio You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, I love you so You walk in every day So beautifully I give you everything So dutifully But between us there’s a rift ‘Cause I am your bailiff (of love) You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, in the studio You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, I love you so I say "I love you" I take the risk You say You love me too A moment’s bliss But my friends think I’m lying— I should have got it in writing! You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, in the studio You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, I love you so You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, in the studio You’re my guilty pleasure Oh, Judge Judy, oh, I love you

Got relaxing on my mind Bath calling me all night Run the Tap, Grab the Soap Take a Breath Phone Buzzing everywhere Trying to turn off and not care But it's that niggle that never stops Better check Can't Switch off, never do So it's time to combine the two Through a screen no one can see What I'm wearing when it's just me Don't expect me to change If want me to reply I'm fairly comfortable And I won't deninie Can't Switch off, never do So it's time combine the two Through a screen no one can see What I'm wearing when it's just me Checking my messages in the bath is fairly normal Time is money wherever you go So when you send those messages Just remember, I could be naked Can't switch off, never do So it's time to combine the two Through a screen no one can see What I'm wearing when it's just me Can't switch off, never do So it's time to combine the two Through a screen no one can see What I'm doing when it's just me I won't feel guilty for something I enjoy I won't feel guilty for something I enjoy And if you want me too Yes, if you want me too Switch off.

Close every curtain and switch on every light I can’t bear the glare as I stare At the screen that separates me from the failing world outside Now my street is underwater, I see watch it on TV The ice caps melt on my giant LCD Which I ignore to check my phone To message friends who live half a mile away So I never have to go outside This is the blood of my age The IV plugs in every wall Our society’s in thrall To this cannibal’s hunger To burn our world for fuel So we can feel pleasure Pleasure My computer hums as it rocks me to sleep Its LEDs my night light now I’m grown This modern lullaby is the only way I’ll rest With the guilt of what it costs in mind I always planned one day that I would have a child Give them a better life that what I’ve known But the Earth is suffocating from the modern life we lead They’ll be nothing left to leave them when they’re grown This is the blood of my age The IV plugs in every wall Our society’s in thrall To this cannibal’s hunger To burn our world for fuel So we can feel pleasure Pleasure

Hey Gríma! Got your message on TweetBook, suggesting that we hook up, ingest of a sweet Took toke And paint this quaintness the color of nonesuch. Cool schema! I been thinking of late, on the brink of my fate, Imma sink from the weight, unless I Shake that ache that’s makin’ me work so much. A wizard could get overwrought. I need a good excuse for this recluse to cut loose, but Not tonight. I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army To fight the men, elves, dwarves, and Dunharrow zombies. We might just have time to order in pastrami, All right? ‘Cause I’m building an orc, building an orc <<army>>. Let’s do this! Shins connected to knee bones, consecutively cloned. I reckon that we goin’ dethrone Theoden for a shot at your own tribe The shoe fits! Put the “win” in Eowyn, start off with a slow gin, move onto some dancing and sing At the Prancing Caballo and imbibe Some Escondito Balrog beers, And queso, Fritos, frijoles, ceviche, carnitas. Here’s the sitch: I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army In which they’ll be all geared up in dope Abercrombie And Fitch. All the good guys gonna run home to mommy And bitch that I’m building an orc, building an orc <<army>>. Here’s Rohan’s smallest violin Accompanying the choir cry of my Uruk-Hai Within the mud. I can’t go out; I’m building an orc army To flood the Hornburg with my goblin tsunami And blood. Postpone that game of hide the salami You stud, due to building an orc, building an orc <<army>>.