Happy Valentine's Day from all your friends and neighbors
To the couple living in apartment three.
We still remember the day
you moved in across the way.
You were so cute, so fun, and so friendly.

We've had a great time getting to know you.
You know your barbeques all rate a solid ten.
But there's something you should know,
In the interest of full disclo...sure,
'Cause honestly's the way to treat a friend.

We can hear you fucking.
We thought you would want to know:
We can hear you fucking.
From above your room, and also from down below.
You're consenting adults, you can do whatever you want to.
But these walls are so thin, and we think you should think this through.

You guys are pounding away for hours at a time,
And I'm not saying that we're not kind of impressed,
But it's awkward, while you're screwing,
When our kids ask what you're doing.
Some of us use it to describe where babies come from.

And we know that everyone has these urges.
We can tell your hormone levels are beyond words.
And you're young and fancy free,
And everyone needs a hobby,
But you don't hear us screaming about Angry Birds. (Well, maybe Bob sometimes.)

We can hear you fucking
Even when you're home all alone.
We can hear you fucking
Even when you're having sex on the phone.
We've tried dropping hints, but the message hasn't got through,
That's why we're resorting to sending this card to you:
We can hear you fucking.