Such a simple mission, what could go amiss?
but Ensign Tucker had to go and touch that stupid rock
that turned his cheese to Swiss, what warning signs did I miss?

He’s dead, Jim - oh, you've got to try and save him
He’s dead, Jim - I’m sure those holes will scab
He’s dead, Jim - you’re supposed to be a freakin' doctor
I count on you to bail me out, when my leadership goes south

Another alien life form, I just want to say hello, hello
and maybe I can screw it if it looks like it’s a girl
but it looked at Crewman Lou, its eyes lit up, and he turned to goo

He’s dead, Jim - get a shovel, we can scoop him up
He’s dead, Jim - I’ve got a bucket here
He’s dead, Jim - we’ll slosh him up to sick bay
so you can get him on his feet, assuming you can find them

We can take a man apart, down to the molecule
and beam him half a million miles, and he’ll usually get through
sometimes he’ll have a new goatee, but he’s basically intact
so if we transport this glob of Lou, why can’t it bring him back?
my name is mud at Starfleet (you've lost your mind)
at least give it a shot (you've gone insane)
don't look at me that way, Bones (you're freakin' crazy)
don't look at me like that

And that’s the truth your honor, some people died, it’s sad
these things are bound to happen when you’re on a five year mission
some breakage will occur, it’s a shame my own physician won’t concur

He’s dead, Jim - Bones, why’d you have to rat me out?
He’s dead, Jim - that's why I had to shoot the judge
He’s dead, Jim - he was gonna put me in the stockade
I got a ship to run, this phaser’s not on stun

He’s dead, Jim - some people are expendable
He’s dead, Jim - it’s not like they’re anyone
He’s dead, Jim - I’m surrounded by incompetents
He’s dead, Jim - It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault…