"Hi! You’ve reached Lady Liberty’s Lair. I can’t come to the phone right now, I’m off saving the populace from the dastardly clutches of random evildoers. But if you’ll leave your name, number, and a brief message – I’ll call you back as soon as justice has been restored. Have a SUPER day!”

FIRST VOICEMAIL (spoken)

“Hello, Liberty. This is your nemesis, Baron von Badass. I'm calling to remind you that I'll be on holiday this month, and I'm taking my minions with me. So if you haven't already made plans, now's the time. Oh, I know you'll miss me, but don't worry... I'll check in from time to time."

LIBERTY

How rude! But what do I expect?
He always does things his way
He’s gonna say, what he’s gonna say
So while he’s away, I’ll take some time for me
I'll drink lots of ice tea, take some bubble baths
Maybe work on my tan
Read a book or three
I’ll just let my hair down, go out on the town
Maybe eat something fattening
I’ll just clock out for now, maybe take a little home vacation
Cuz who needs him? ... that supervillan of a man
... that supervillian of a man

BARON VON BADASS
(PARIS - musette)

Remember that day in Paree (Paris)
When we met on the Champs Elysee?
On the Arc de Triomphe, the scorch marks are still visible
Though later we found them to be inadmissible
When you couldn't quite pin them on me
(Though you tried!)
The City of Lights
Most romantic at night
Such amazing museums
You really must see them
But now I must be on my way
Bon chance, have a beautiful day

LIBERTY

I remember our little French scene
And I'd call you delusional
And yeah I'm feeling quite attitudinal
Cuz it's hot and it's boring
And I wish you were back
Don't take it that way I don't miss you, okay?
It's just that I'm alphabetizing my spice rack
And I really miss kicking your butt
So I scour the news for something to do
I finished three crosswords, my toenails are flawless
I'd kill for a tragedy or two

BARON VON BADASS
PAMPLONA (flamenco)

As I ran with the bulls, my machismo was apparent
The streets of Pamplona were streaked with blood and fear
The most exciting thing that I have ever done
I felt that I had wings as I began to run
And now and then, my dear
I'm wishing you were here
In sultry, sunny Spain
But then again
I'm enjoying my privacy
(If you know what I mean)

LIBERTY

You must be kidding me with that crap, mi amor
You gotta give it a rest, señor
Still I gotta admit that I was pretty bored before
Cuz I've been pulling weeds, and doing good deeds
There ain't any kittens in any trees
And there's no crime as far as the eye can see
But you know
There's a new bank down the street
That I think you might find kinda interesting
I wonder what you'd do with that kinda thing

BARON VON BADASS
JAMAICA (reggae)

In the sand, beneath the sun
By the waters, crystal blue
With my Margarite I
Lay 'neath the palms dreaming of you
A bikini top lay limp
And empty by my side
Perhaps it will find its owner
Before it's washed out by the tide
O-M-G this has to be
The finest place I've ever been
In the sunlight you can see
To the bottom of the sea
Take my advice, don't think twice
Try the sugar and the spice
Yes, the beaches here are nice
In Jamaica
Yes, I'm thinking of you here
In Jamaica

LIBERTY

When you’re gone
I enjoy myself in a daze
I sleep late, I stay in bed and have my cake and eat it too
But when you’re gone I don't know what to do
There’s too much time
I start to think
There's too much on my mind
I start to justify
I think about the credit crisis
I polish all my doorknobs to a shine
And while my toenails dry
I begin to hatch a plan so that when you get back
It won't be as quiet
As you thought you might find it

BARON VON BADASS & HIS DRUNK FRIENDS
NEW ORLEANS (zydeco in C)
[Background song: The Imaginary Bayou Boys]

Down in Louisiana
Down in the Bayou
There lives my baby and my baby's gonna try you
On. My baby's gonna try you on
Yes, she knows her way around
And she definitely wants to try you on
[Accordion. No need to finish the song.]
[Drunken Voiceover]
Hello, Liberty?
Liberty! This party is amazing!
Wooo! I'm having the best time EVER!
Look... I might not be back for another week or two so why don't you just visit some orphans or do whatever it is you do for fun? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.
Got to go... PARTY CALLS! Wooooo!

LIBERTY

Really.. Really? A drunk dial … well …. whatEVER
I don’t really care about it cause you’re a sad drunk sack of a man
So Laissez les Bontemps roulez
You just have your day of it
Guess what… I’m gonna get away with it
And I’ll take everything
And I won’t even have to pay for it
And while your sticky fingers were in the beignets
Mine were a’planning my triumphant day of debut
Into my world of organized crime
I’ll excel at it too so much better than you
I'll take everything, and I will get my way
I got the tricks of the trade
I’ll take everything
This is my lucky day so you just stay away
I’ll take everything
Like a tiny small ninja I’ll make my escape
Got my a tete a tete with the bank
I’ll take everything

LIBERTY - WISH YOU WERE HERE
by Dr. Lindyke and Denise Hudson

LAST BADASS VOICEMAIL (heroic rock) …. Duet thing….

-------------------------------------------------------------

Liberty! You've gone too far! You've taken what is mine
The gold is nothing... but you stole my reputation as the King of Crime
This is MY town! This is MY turf! You're NOTHING without me!
If you want to play the villain game, perhaps you should pay the fee!
Will you still love the excitement in a cell of five by ten?
With a regemented schedule... how will you feel then?
And it will be I, BARON VON BADASS, there to save the day
To clap your hands in irons and sequester you away
And I will bring you to justice! I will bring you to justice!
And I can place this telephone call
If you can hear my voice at all
If your brain can hold a thought, consider this
I know where you live!