My girlfriend's breath is sweet.
But yours is so much sweeter baby.
You have the breath of well- flossed angels.
Angels who solely eat Skittles.

My girlfriend's boobs are big.
But yours are so much bigger, baby.
They look like they can hold a can of paint.
I doubt that we will ever know for sure.

Don't tell my girlfriend that I told you this.
She would get pissed.
She just wouldn't understand,
Not just because she barely speaks the language.

My girlfriend's teeth are white,
But yours are so much straighter, baby.
Your teeth aren't super sharp or pointy.
I bet you blow up balloons without them popping.

Don't tell my girlfriend that last month we kissed.
She would get pissed.
She just wouldn't understand.
She's still mad that the babysitter's pregnant.

My girlfriend's soup is good.
But yours is so much better, baby.
She puts weird ingredients in it.
Like capers, dill, and what the hell is arsenic?

She puts weird ingredients in it.
Like capers, dill, and what the hell is arsenic?
I'll call you soon when I'm not feeling so damn sick.