Douchiest Song Challenge

by Various Artists

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CHALLENGE: Who Can Write & Record the Douchiest Song

Submissions will be judged on the following criteria:

1. Is there douchebaggery in the tone of the singer's voice?
2. Just how douchey are those lyrics?
3. What is the douchosity level of the melody?
4. Is your chord progression indeed douchefied?
5. The name of the song and the (fake) name of the recording artist - are they fully douched out?

In other words:
Tone of voice, lyrics, melody, chord progression, song / artist name

*Don't worry too much about the quality of the recording.


Entrance Fee:
Your dignity


So what exactly makes music "douchey?"

*There are a few different types of douchey songs... you have the classic "I'm that dude who plays acoustic guitar on Tommy 3 with my door open, solely so the women can hear me sing my shitty songs."
This person, if "successful," could one day make it big, turning him into the next Gavin DeGraw, Howie Day, or James Blunt - writer of possibly the douchiest song ever written, 'You're Beautiful.'
*You also have the classic "jam band" douchebag music... that is, in reality, the saddest attempt at "jamming" possible. Think O.A.R. (not Grateful Dead / Phish).
*There are also songs where otherwise decent artists stoop to the level of douchebag for god knows what reason. Example, 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5, or 'Your Body Is A Wonderland' by John Mayer.
Are these artists douchebags, or are they in fact very clever and shameless fishermen, tossing their stinked out douchey lures into a vast sea of unsuspecting college girls?
*Then there is the "hard rock douchebag." Nickelback, Creed, etc. Pretty much the shittest style of music ever invented. Bands like these make Jack Johnson look like Cole Porter.


Are you a douchebag who doesn't quite understand why this challenge is funny? Did I just list a bunch of your favorite artists (O.A.R. and Creed)? Fear not - EVERYONE is welcome to join us on our quest to compose the douchiest song, even full fledged authentic douchebags. We ain't judgin' ANYBODY. Well, actually we are.

Before you enter this contest, ask yourself, "Do I really want to win this competition?"

You have ONE WEEK to complete this challenge. Songs are due next Wednesday (anytime before midnight).
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Peace & Jams,
Mitchell Johnson

credits

released December 22, 2012

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about

Spintown Middletown, Ohio

I run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. You can follow the contest on Twitter (@SpinTunes) or my personal account (@Spintown).

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Track Name: JD Micklemack - You're An Angel
INTRO

(Spoken):
Yo, this song is for all the pretty girls who don't even know they're pretty
I can see your true light shining
Keep it burning baby

VERSE 1

Well I came to you as a little boy
But I left you as a man
I can't believe that anyone could love me
Like an angel can
I can see your true light shining
Within you, around you

CHORUS

Oh baby, you're an angel
Won't you fold me in your wings?
Let me take off your halo
Don't you know, you make my true soul sing?
You make my true soul sing

VERSE 2

Well you came down from heaven's gate
And fell into my arms
Hold me close and let me keep you safe from
Any earthly harm
I can see your white robes flowing
All around your perfect body

CHORUS (Repeat, ad nauseam)
Track Name: Toby Thomsen - The Angel I Need
The Angel I Need by Toby Thomsen

It's in the way, the way you toss your hair
And the way the people stop and stare
Cos every time I think of that girl
You're the angel I need

And it's the way, the way you move those hips
And the way, the way you bite your lip
Cos every time I think of that girl
You're the angel I need

Yeah Yeah
Yo, chkk a oom, chkk a oom chkk
Skiddley bop bop bop
Rrrroobie doobie doobie doo
A pick it, a pick it, a pick it, boom
Here we go

I love the way, the way you call my name
And the way it's driving me insane
And every time I think of that girl
You're the angel I need

And I feel, I feel like I can fly
When I see, When I see your angel eyes
And every time I think of that girl
You're the angel I need
You're the angel I need
You're the angel I need
Track Name: Trey McClayton - You, A Beer, and My Truck
You, A Beer, And My Truck by Trey McClayton

A hot summer's day and I'm done mowin' the lawn
You bring out a beer and you ain't got much on
Sittin' on the tailgate of my Ford X1
Drippin' sweaty hot from the burnin' sun

And I go
Mmmm yeah
You, a beer, and my truck
Mmmm yeah
You, beer, truck

I give you lovin' so good it just ain't fair
Post it on the internet cos I, I have to share
Gather up some beers and I watch it with my friends
Sittin' in my truck, we toast, yeah, when it ends

And I go
Mmmm yeah
You, a beer, and my truck
Mmmm yeah
You, beer, truck

Mmmm yeah
You, a beer, and my truck
Mmmm yeah
You, beer, truck
Track Name: MetalShaft Alice Featuring Krystofer Jayye Heartbreakzz - Second Cousin (SQ - Quadrophonic Mix)
Yeah
I'm Second Cousin to pain
I'm the King of insane.
What I got on my brain
You know it's all about - Money
I don't mind lookin - Funny
Cause it gets me all the - Honeys
I like my eggs all - Runny
Just like my nose

I wear the tight leather pants
Come on watch me dance
I go into a trance

And then I'm fallin down the - Stairs
I look like I don't - Care
Check out what I - Wear
and how I do my - Hair
It cost a lotta bucks

I'm Second Cousin to pain
I'm the King of insane.
What I got on my brain

You know it's all about
You call it heroin shiek
althought I look like a geek
I don't mean to pack meat

to inherit the earth
for what it's worth
I'll take a roll in the dirt
and wearin my shirt
If it increases my - Money
I don't mind lookin - Funny
Cause it gets me all the - Honeys
I like my eggs all - Runny
Just like my nose
Track Name: MetalShaft Alice Featuring Krystofer Jayye Heartbreakzz - Second Cousin (Stereo Mix)
Yeah
I'm Second Cousin to pain
I'm the King of insane.
What I got on my brain
You know it's all about - Money
I don't mind lookin - Funny
Cause it gets me all the - Honeys
I like my eggs all - Runny
Just like my nose

I wear the tight leather pants
Come on watch me dance
I go into a trance

And then I'm fallin down the - Stairs
I look like I don't - Care
Check out what I - Wear
and how I do my - Hair
It cost a lotta bucks

I'm Second Cousin to pain
I'm the King of insane.
What I got on my brain

You know it's all about
You call it heroin shiek
althought I look like a geek
I don't mean to pack meat

to inherit the earth
for what it's worth
I'll take a roll in the dirt
and wearin my shirt
If it increases my - Money
I don't mind lookin - Funny
Cause it gets me all the - Honeys
I like my eggs all - Runny
Just like my nose
Track Name: Levi James - To Girls - Love, Boys
ur pretty without ur makeup on
so i wrote for u this pretty little song
no angel of mine has got a right to hide her face

tonight*5

im standing right outside your door
since hes been with you i dont see you anymore
so i guess ill leave without a fight
but ill cry myself to sleep

tonight*∞
Track Name: Saffron Sparrow - Heart Beatin’ (Tara’s Song)
it’s been 12 long hours girl
since the last time we kissed
i don’t know how much longer
i can handle this
Its like a stormy dark night
when your smile’s not around
i think it’s time we go out
for a night out on the town
To the fancy restaurant
with the fancy french name
i’ll buy you a dozen roses, girl
even if that sounds lame
pick you up in a limo
cuz a taxi won’t do
if you want a hug baby
i got 2 big arms for you
------
CHORUS
Because tonight girl and I aint stoppin
got my best ed hardy shirt on and you know the collar’s poppin
Your kiss tastes like the sweetest candy that i’ve eaten
Your body next to mine and I can feel heart beatin’ beatin’ beatin’ beatin’
------
when you’re done with your lobster
and it’s time for dessert
I’ll order you creme brulee cuz
Chocolate makes your tummy hurt
Then on to the dance floor
so we can bust some moves
the dj’s playing Paramore
and other sexy grooves
------
CHORUS 2
Because tonight’s girl and I aint stoppin
I got a bottle of crystal and that champaign’s poppin
You kiss tastes like the sweetest candy that i’ve eaten
Your body next to mine and I can feel heart beatin’ beatin’ beatin’ beatin’
------
BRIDGE
lub dub
you mean the world to me
lub dub
come here girl and see
lub dub
I’ll take you home with tonight
lub dub
and i’m’a do you so right
------
CHORUS 3
Because tonight girl and I aint stoppin
you’re a virgin, girl, so your cherry poppin
You kiss tastes like the sweetest candy that i’ve eaten
Your body next to mine and I can feel heart beatin’ beatin’ beatin’
Track Name: Cherry Pi - Guess What
Guess What
I'm a porn star, bitch
You know you like this

(stick it to the rhythm whores)
Track Name: Odessa Gents - Al Qaeda Don't Drink Whiskey
G F# C B D
Well I woke up this morning, black coffee and fried chicken
Every vegetarian lets the terrorist win
I swell with pride like crude in a pipeline, to be American


G C D
Well Al Qaeda don't drink whiskey
and their guns aren't as big as mine
When I paint my truck with the stars and stripes, I've joined the fight

As my woman fries me eggs and bacon I feel sorry for west coast feminists
that don't know how to fish or who's in the Nascar pit
as I drive my sixteen wheeler, with a dog, and a gun, and a beer


G C D
Well Al Qaeda don't drink whiskey
and their guns aren't as big as mine
When I paint my truck with the stars and stripes, I've joined the fight

bridge