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Douchiest Song Challenge

by Various Artists

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1.
JD Micklemack - You're An Angel 03:57
lyrics
INTRO (Spoken): Yo, this song is for all the pretty girls who don't even know they're pretty I can see your true light shining Keep it burning baby VERSE 1 Well I came to you as a little boy But I left you as a man I can't believe that anyone could love me Like an angel can I can see your true light shining Within you, around you CHORUS Oh baby, you're an angel Won't you fold me in your wings? Let me take off your halo Don't you know, you make my true soul sing? You make my true soul sing VERSE 2 Well you came down from heaven's gate And fell into my arms Hold me close and let me keep you safe from Any earthly harm I can see your white robes flowing All around your perfect body CHORUS (Repeat, ad nauseam)
2.
Toby Thomsen - The Angel I Need 02:45
lyrics
The Angel I Need by Toby Thomsen It's in the way, the way you toss your hair And the way the people stop and stare Cos every time I think of that girl You're the angel I need And it's the way, the way you move those hips And the way, the way you bite your lip Cos every time I think of that girl You're the angel I need Yeah Yeah Yo, chkk a oom, chkk a oom chkk Skiddley bop bop bop Rrrroobie doobie doobie doo A pick it, a pick it, a pick it, boom Here we go I love the way, the way you call my name And the way it's driving me insane And every time I think of that girl You're the angel I need And I feel, I feel like I can fly When I see, When I see your angel eyes And every time I think of that girl You're the angel I need You're the angel I need You're the angel I need
3.
Trey McClayton - You, A Beer, and My Truck 02:04
lyrics
You, A Beer, And My Truck by Trey McClayton A hot summer's day and I'm done mowin' the lawn You bring out a beer and you ain't got much on Sittin' on the tailgate of my Ford X1 Drippin' sweaty hot from the burnin' sun And I go Mmmm yeah You, a beer, and my truck Mmmm yeah You, beer, truck I give you lovin' so good it just ain't fair Post it on the internet cos I, I have to share Gather up some beers and I watch it with my friends Sittin' in my truck, we toast, yeah, when it ends And I go Mmmm yeah You, a beer, and my truck Mmmm yeah You, beer, truck Mmmm yeah You, a beer, and my truck Mmmm yeah You, beer, truck
4.
D.B. Rouse - Dance MF 01:25
info
5.
MetalShaft Alice Featuring Krystofer Jayye Heartbreakzz - Second Cousin (SQ - Quadrophonic Mix) 02:38
lyrics
Yeah I'm Second Cousin to pain I'm the King of insane. What I got on my brain You know it's all about - Money I don't mind lookin - Funny Cause it gets me all the - Honeys I like my eggs all - Runny Just like my nose I wear the tight leather pants Come on watch me dance I go into a trance And then I'm fallin down the - Stairs I look like I don't - Care Check out what I - Wear and how I do my - Hair It cost a lotta bucks I'm Second Cousin to pain I'm the King of insane. What I got on my brain You know it's all about You call it heroin shiek althought I look like a geek I don't mean to pack meat to inherit the earth for what it's worth I'll take a roll in the dirt and wearin my shirt If it increases my - Money I don't mind lookin - Funny Cause it gets me all the - Honeys I like my eggs all - Runny Just like my nose
6.
MetalShaft Alice Featuring Krystofer Jayye Heartbreakzz - Second Cousin (Stereo Mix) 02:38
lyrics
Yeah I'm Second Cousin to pain I'm the King of insane. What I got on my brain You know it's all about - Money I don't mind lookin - Funny Cause it gets me all the - Honeys I like my eggs all - Runny Just like my nose I wear the tight leather pants Come on watch me dance I go into a trance And then I'm fallin down the - Stairs I look like I don't - Care Check out what I - Wear and how I do my - Hair It cost a lotta bucks I'm Second Cousin to pain I'm the King of insane. What I got on my brain You know it's all about You call it heroin shiek althought I look like a geek I don't mean to pack meat to inherit the earth for what it's worth I'll take a roll in the dirt and wearin my shirt If it increases my - Money I don't mind lookin - Funny Cause it gets me all the - Honeys I like my eggs all - Runny Just like my nose
7.
R.O.A. (Road of Absolution) - Ace of Hearts 06:14
info
8.
Levi James - To Girls - Love, Boys 02:36
lyrics
ur pretty without ur makeup on so i wrote for u this pretty little song no angel of mine has got a right to hide her face tonight*5 im standing right outside your door since hes been with you i dont see you anymore so i guess ill leave without a fight but ill cry myself to sleep tonight*∞
9.
Saffron Sparrow - Heart Beatin’ (Tara’s Song) 03:59
lyrics
it’s been 12 long hours girl since the last time we kissed i don’t know how much longer i can handle this Its like a stormy dark night when your smile’s not around i think it’s time we go out for a night out on the town To the fancy restaurant with the fancy french name i’ll buy you a dozen roses, girl even if that sounds lame pick you up in a limo cuz a taxi won’t do if you want a hug baby i got 2 big arms for you ------ CHORUS Because tonight girl and I aint stoppin got my best ed hardy shirt on and you know the collar’s poppin Your kiss tastes like the sweetest candy that i’ve eaten Your body next to mine and I can feel heart beatin’ beatin’ beatin’ beatin’ ------ when you’re done with your lobster and it’s time for dessert I’ll order you creme brulee cuz Chocolate makes your tummy hurt Then on to the dance floor so we can bust some moves the dj’s playing Paramore and other sexy grooves ------ CHORUS 2 Because tonight’s girl and I aint stoppin I got a bottle of crystal and that champaign’s poppin You kiss tastes like the sweetest candy that i’ve eaten Your body next to mine and I can feel heart beatin’ beatin’ beatin’ beatin’ ------ BRIDGE lub dub you mean the world to me lub dub come here girl and see lub dub I’ll take you home with tonight lub dub and i’m’a do you so right ------ CHORUS 3 Because tonight girl and I aint stoppin you’re a virgin, girl, so your cherry poppin You kiss tastes like the sweetest candy that i’ve eaten Your body next to mine and I can feel heart beatin’ beatin’ beatin’
10.
Cherry Pi - Guess What 02:20
lyrics
Guess What I'm a porn star, bitch You know you like this (stick it to the rhythm whores)
11.
Odessa Gents - Al Qaeda Don't Drink Whiskey 04:06
lyrics
G F# C B D Well I woke up this morning, black coffee and fried chicken Every vegetarian lets the terrorist win I swell with pride like crude in a pipeline, to be American G C D Well Al Qaeda don't drink whiskey and their guns aren't as big as mine When I paint my truck with the stars and stripes, I've joined the fight As my woman fries me eggs and bacon I feel sorry for west coast feminists that don't know how to fish or who's in the Nascar pit as I drive my sixteen wheeler, with a dog, and a gun, and a beer G C D Well Al Qaeda don't drink whiskey and their guns aren't as big as mine When I paint my truck with the stars and stripes, I've joined the fight bridge

about

CHALLENGE: Who Can Write & Record the Douchiest Song

Submissions will be judged on the following criteria:

1. Is there douchebaggery in the tone of the singer's voice?
2. Just how douchey are those lyrics?
3. What is the douchosity level of the melody?
4. Is your chord progression indeed douchefied?
5. The name of the song and the (fake) name of the recording artist - are they fully douched out?

In other words:
Tone of voice, lyrics, melody, chord progression, song / artist name

*Don't worry too much about the quality of the recording.


Entrance Fee:
Your dignity


So what exactly makes music "douchey?"

*There are a few different types of douchey songs... you have the classic "I'm that dude who plays acoustic guitar on Tommy 3 with my door open, solely so the women can hear me sing my shitty songs."
This person, if "successful," could one day make it big, turning him into the next Gavin DeGraw, Howie Day, or James Blunt - writer of possibly the douchiest song ever written, 'You're Beautiful.'
*You also have the classic "jam band" douchebag music... that is, in reality, the saddest attempt at "jamming" possible. Think O.A.R. (not Grateful Dead / Phish).
*There are also songs where otherwise decent artists stoop to the level of douchebag for god knows what reason. Example, 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5, or 'Your Body Is A Wonderland' by John Mayer.
Are these artists douchebags, or are they in fact very clever and shameless fishermen, tossing their stinked out douchey lures into a vast sea of unsuspecting college girls?
*Then there is the "hard rock douchebag." Nickelback, Creed, etc. Pretty much the shittest style of music ever invented. Bands like these make Jack Johnson look like Cole Porter.


Are you a douchebag who doesn't quite understand why this challenge is funny? Did I just list a bunch of your favorite artists (O.A.R. and Creed)? Fear not - EVERYONE is welcome to join us on our quest to compose the douchiest song, even full fledged authentic douchebags. We ain't judgin' ANYBODY. Well, actually we are.

Before you enter this contest, ask yourself, "Do I really want to win this competition?"

You have ONE WEEK to complete this challenge. Songs are due next Wednesday (anytime before midnight).
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Peace & Jams,
Mitchell Johnson

credits

released December 22, 2012

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Spintown Middletown, Ohio

I used to run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. The rest is mostly Minecraft related songs.

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