CHALLENGE: Who Can Write & Record the Douchiest Song
Submissions will be judged on the following criteria:
1. Is there douchebaggery in the tone of the singer's voice?
2. Just how douchey are those lyrics?
3. What is the douchosity level of the melody?
4. Is your chord progression indeed douchefied?
5. The name of the song and the (fake) name of the recording artist - are they fully douched out?
In other words:
Tone of voice, lyrics, melody, chord progression, song / artist name
*Don't worry too much about the quality of the recording.
So what exactly makes music "douchey?"
*There are a few different types of douchey songs... you have the classic "I'm that dude who plays acoustic guitar on Tommy 3 with my door open, solely so the women can hear me sing my shitty songs."
This person, if "successful," could one day make it big, turning him into the next Gavin DeGraw, Howie Day, or James Blunt - writer of possibly the douchiest song ever written, 'You're Beautiful.'
*You also have the classic "jam band" douchebag music... that is, in reality, the saddest attempt at "jamming" possible. Think O.A.R
. (not Grateful Dead / Phish).
*There are also songs where otherwise decent artists stoop to the level of douchebag for god knows what reason. Example, 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5, or 'Your Body Is A Wonderland' by John Mayer.
Are these artists douchebags, or are they in fact very clever and shameless fishermen, tossing their stinked out douchey lures into a vast sea of unsuspecting college girls?
*Then there is the "hard rock douchebag." Nickelback, Creed, etc. Pretty much the shittest style of music ever invented. Bands like these make Jack Johnson look like Cole Porter.
Are you a douchebag who doesn't quite understand why this challenge is funny? Did I just list a bunch of your favorite artists (O.A.R
. and Creed)? Fear not - EVERYONE is welcome to join us on our quest to compose the douchiest song, even full fledged authentic douchebags. We ain't judgin' ANYBODY. Well, actually we are.
Before you enter this contest, ask yourself, "Do I really want to win this competition?"
You have ONE WEEK to complete this challenge. Songs are due next Wednesday (anytime before midnight).
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
Peace & Jams,