There’s a special place familiar to ev’ry teacher who helps beginning writers improve their writing by starting with the things that the kids have written and teaching them to edit and revise and make it better but this special place exists in the works of children who don’t use any periods when they’re writing so ev’rything they write is just one long sentence that stretches to infinity and suddenly we find ourselves traipsing through the Land of No Punctuation where ev’rything’s a segue to something else and ubiquitous conjunctions blend ev’ry tale into one big stream-of-consciousness rambling soliloquy stretching through the Land of No Punctuation where ev’rything’s a run-on and no one ever has time to take a breath or to stop and think which is better than the Land of No Inflection which is monotone and flat and there’s no differentiation between someone saying “I just hit the jackpot” or “I just learned I have cancer” or “I think I’ll have a salad” or “I hate you all” but anyway we’re sprawling through the Land of No Punctuation defying all the armies of writing teachers who want you to conform to their silly rules about periods and commas and colons and quotation marks semicolons question marks brackets exclamation marks dashes and apostrophes hyphens and parentheses slashes and ellipses and Heaven knows what else . . . Wouldn’t it be nice to take a break? To have a pause? Have time to think? Wouldn’t it be nice to simply breathe? Conclude a thought? Begin anew? But no . . . As long as there’s the Land of No Punctuation then kids will always know that it’s safe to write all their rambling adventures and tortured stories with dialogue that lurches from character to character with nothing to distinguish which character is saying it where plots are full of holes and effects don’t follow causes and nouns are not specific and no one uses adverbs and grammar is atrocious and ev’rything’s misspelled and the story has no climax it just ends.

When I was a young child I wasn’t too dense to realize my family was not normal in the traditional sense in that my mother would use a normal amount of words when speaking with her friends but my father would use more words than necessary and his sentences would never end. What I guess I’m trying to say is that my father talked a lot in that he used more words than were actually necessary to get his point across and I guess I kind of see the reason he did that particular sort of thing, assuming you care more about precision than being judged as really boring. So this went on and on for years, at least that was my sense because it actually was quite a few years, but I think you know what I meant And one day my mom was missing, it seems she packed her things to flee She left a note addressed to both of us that simply said You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (Could you possibly get to the point?) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (You could say this in so many fewer words) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (Can’t take words, words, words anymore) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me Could you be a little more concise? So I had inherited my father’s gift for extremely detailed eloquence and when it came time to pick a career, I picked appropriately and went and On my resume I listed almost every thing I’d ever done except for the embarrassing parts, because I edited the thing, I’m not a complete idiot which leads to my first job at Merriam-Webster, of whom I’ve sure you’ve heard because they make those wonderful books that define most every word That I had to revise and edit, and define whole new words, in addition though I think they’re also in Urban Dictionary, if you’re in a tough position But one day my boss at Webster (we call it that to save time, too) called me into his office for a quarterly performance review and while he was looking over my work over the few months that did precede he gave me the pink slip and it simply said You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (Could you possibly get to the point?) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (You could say this in so many fewer words) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (Can’t take words, words, words anymore) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me Could you be a little more concise? Well my career wasn’t going great, but my love life was on the up I had met a pretty girl for whom words were her first love Though of course I don’t mean that literally, that would actually be kinda bad if you loved words much more than your mother or your dad On our first date we played scrabble and on our second we crossed words I’ve also listened to some audio books, which of course I’m sure you’ve heard of at least of a few ones, but the point is I asked her to marry me and we would talk about our plans and future children, it was lovely But one day she came over to me while I was standing in the kitchen And proceeded to ask me how my day was and for what dinner I was wishin' and it was that sort of small talk leading into something big, you know the sound, and while she was speaking I didn’t notice that our house was burning to the ground You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (Honey I hate to be rude but I think you’re on fire) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (Why do fire extinguishers have expiration dates?) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (It’s not like I’m going to eat the thing, really) You’re too verbose, you’re too verbose for me (We should probably end this song)

I remember this one time I think that it was raining although its hard to remember I’ve always had a hard time with the weather but I think that you were wearing blue I think it was a dress but I never really knew how to tell blue from purple but anyway the restaurant was closed and we walked quite a ways I’m not sure we ever ate at least not on that day though I also remember lots of dinners I stared across the table at you your feet would come across sometimes without a shoe and you always had the nicest shoes even when you left them in hall and I would trip but never fall because you’d catch me - you were always there to catch me I’m sorry if this isn’t making any sense unless it is but I just can’t tell anymore And I’m sorry if I seem to just go on and on but nothing makes sense at all since you’ve been gone And I remember this one time I think it was Christmas but it might have been Thanksgiving anyway I’m sure that there was pumpkin pie cause it was always your favorite and the sparkle in your eyes when we raised our glass of eggnog to each other reminded me of nights like that rainy night if it really was raining and lots of other days and nights when you would hold my hand and walk me down the street to somewhere and you took my hand that Christmas if it really was Christmas to walk me down the hall and I had had one too many and I stumbled but I didn’t fall cause you were always there to catch me - you were always there to catch me I’m sorry if this isn’t making any sense unless it is but I just can’t tell anymore And I’m sorry if I seem to just go on and on but nothing makes any sense since you’ve been gone And I remember when I had to say goodbye and they wouldn’t let the kids into the hospital I still don’t know why so I took it on myself to say goodbye for them and cry for them and I took you by the hand and saw the sparkle in your eye I swear I smelled the smell of pumpkin pie and felt the touch of little raindrops and then I had to leave and had to hold myself up against the wall and I’ll have to hold myself up now I don’t what to do cause there’s no one there to catch me - you were always there to catch me

Let's find a way for the whole human race to survive out in space when we drain this place Of its fossil fuels, cause we'd just be fools Not to bend all the rules to win against nature In the battle for life we'll be the victors With our fists in the air, we'll cheer out "Screw you, armadillos, screw you baboons Screw you, cheetahs and donkeys And Echidnas, why don't you find a better home That's not in my backyard Not in my driveway And not in my parking lot" 'Cause you know, sometimes some of us just need personal space Without all the fruit bats stealing our fruit And the great-horned owls making us feel inferior 'Cause we are...superior We are superior We are superior, so Let's find a way for the whole human race to survive out in space when we rid this place Of these pokey hedgehogs, they're like tiny little dogs That you don't want to pet, 'cause they'll stab you right through the heart In the battle for life we'll be the victors With our fists in the air, we'll cheer out "Screw you, ibexes, or is it screw you ibexi Either way you're on our list Of endangered species we need to kill Before they kill us With their pointy appendages" 'Cause you know, sometimes some of us just need peace of mind Without all the jellyfish stealing our jelly Without all the kangaroo rats pretending to be kangaroos And we could use less of the lesser apes 'Cause we are the greater apes We are the greatest apes, so Let's find a way for the whole human race to survive out in space when we nuke this place Just to spite all the moles who might look kind of cute But they'll dig little holes that you might just trip on In the battle for life we'll be the victors With our fists in the air, we'll cheer out "Screw you, narwhals, if you still actually exist Screw you, ostriches And piranhas, why don't you help us out By skeletonizing yourselves And quail, I know you're delicious and I might still want to hunt you But you also have to go, two by two, on the ark…TO HELL With the ruby-throated hummingbird The scaly-breasted lorikeet The two-toed tree sloth The Uinta ground squirrel The vervet monkey The white-lipped peccary The x-ray tetra The yellow-bellied sapsucker So we finally found a way for the whole human race To survive out in space, since we hate this place And we found a home on the planet Zorblozu But those mean, green Zorbloozians, they seem to hate us too

When it comes to building cars, Germany's the best And Germans on the Autobahn drive faster than the rest With the pedal to the metal and reckless as can be Just like Michael Schumacher racing down the street Nothing that can stop us on and off the road Be it truck or airplane, be it bicycle or boat And with regard to soccer, I'm sure that you all know The Germans won the World Cup while England had to go And while we don't like to admit it, our country makes us proud 'Cos Germans are the greatest – there is really no doubt Invincible, almighty and fearless in the night And if there's something broken, we can fix it all right Yes, there is nothing that we Germans cannot do 'Cos we know everything so much better than you But as a citizen of this nation I struggle with the pronunciation of 'squirrel' Germans built the wall and they tore it down again And they still miss the Deutschmark every now and then For example when it's time to pay at the Oktoberfest Where schnitzel, wurst and sauerkraut are easy to digest As long as there is order, as long as there is beer With Merkel on our side, there is nothing to fear German maids are beautiful and German men are strong And their Bandwurmsätze are really, really long And all the Black Forest cuckoo's clocks are never running late So why not book a trip and come to see the Brandenburg Gate Enjoy some German music: Rammstein, Volksmusik We rock you like a hurricane until you agree That there is nothing that we Germans cannot do 'Cos we know everything so much better than you But as a citizen of this nation I struggle with the pronunciation of 'squirrel' Anyway, Germans are always on time, sticking to the rules, very talented and charming, fantastic singers – like me, for example - builders, engineers, inventors, Nobel Prize winners, Friedrich Nietzsche, you know, and Dirk Nowitzki, Pope Benedict, Beethoven, Wagner, Nena, handsome German people each and every one of them, big fans of discipline, yes, that's us, and when we use sarcasm, it's always 100% obvious, smart, efficient, never making any mistakes – and most of all we are very modest! Ja, there is nothing that we Germans cannot do 'Cos we know everything so much better than you But as someone who grew up in this nation I struggle with the pronunciation of 'squirrel' Why couldn't they just call it “Eichhörnchen”? I mean, they took so many German words for the English language like Rucksack or Kindergarten and we also took some words from them like Handy or like Public Viewing – okay, we misused them, but anyway, it's so weird and I can't pronounce it; it's a tongue twister and, ah, it's driving me crazy and did you know that Chip an' Dale are called Ahörnchen and Behörnchen in German?

I once stared into the barrel of another life but the vision of you kept haunting me even after you'd run out of bullets so then you stuck out the tip of your serrated tongue and out spilled a gale force of violence so I backed off and tried another tack but it didn't work either now I realise there's no point in trying 'cause you'll never change always be the same this story ain't worth pursuing 'cause you've always been a... Liar liar shame on you and your kind Liar liar truth is something you can search for but never find Then another time I was standing in a crowd full of people who couldn't look me in the eye for fear of showing just how evil they are so they started climbing walls to escape from the truth but the higher they climbed the further they'd fall when it all came out that honesty was the last thing to come out of their mouths so they all finally went south and drowned in a dirty ocean 'cause they're all just... Liars liars shame on them and their kind Liars liars truth is something they can search for but never find And now I'm standing on my own in a room full of mirrors and I cut away the pain with a blunt pair of scissors I can't bear to be faced with my own reflection 'cause nothing helps the shame I feel I am a... Liar liar shame on me and my kind I'm a liar liar truth is something that I search for but never find Liar liar shame on me and my kind I'm a liar liar truth is something that I search for but never find... never find... never find...

Far away in lands lost long ago there was a child young and innocent, carefree, unknowing of the things the world would bring to it, So it ran amok and every day it played among the flowers and the trees, only the wind to guide it, And there was no one there to warn it of the things to come and no one to tell it to prepare, And there was no one there to warn it so it ran without a care And when the rain fell down it lifted its head up and tasted it, And when the rain fell down it cried and said this rain is beautiful, I admit. Then the child, grown in part, held every day close to its heart and mastered the forsaken art of being where it wanted to be, So it climbed atop a willow, wandering free, And there was no one there to warn it of the things to come and no one to tell it to prepare, And there was no one there to tell it that the rain was bad to it ran without a care And when the rain fell down it lifted its head up and tasted it, And when the rain fell down it cried and said this rain is beautiful, I admit. Now the child, fully grown, who lived its life all on its own, met another child wandering free, it was A little child, the smallest one, who’d always only known the sun, whose life had hardly just begun, with nobody to tell it what not to be, And there was someone there now to tell of things to come and how to prepare But the someone there just told it to wander free without a care And when the rain fell down it said lift your head up and bathe in it, And when the rain fell down the child smiled and said this rain is beautiful, I admit, The rain is beautiful, isn’t it?

I woke up the wrong way with reflections in my eggs, and all my wishes broken as I go on my way in a car that’s moving slowly while the temperature falls so low my phone starts freezing as I'm half-watching the road where I pull over, near a fight outside a store that's in an empty building with blood on floor where I stand and I wave my arms as I do the right thing, and the next thing that I know I am an eternal being who now has all the answers and finally knows the truth, which in my second sentence I will tell all to you because I pulled over near a fight outside a store that’s in an empty building with blood on the floor where I stood as I waved my arms as I did the right thing and the next that I know I am an eternal being who now has all the answers and finally knows the truth which in my second sentence I will tell all to you.

I put my life down in these letters, tried to put the past to bed, they came back "Return to Sender" (never opened, never read) in the mailbox I retrieved them as the sun was sinking low over roads--all ofthem closed--so I had nowhere to go still I "should" grow, could have stood to know what I was turning to throw myself off course, where I'm just going around and around and around, and turning the compass, losing landmarks I found, creating art by committee, inhaling smog in the city again. Again I put the stars above the dashboard, asphalt underneath the the wheel, and voices on the radio who all want to make a deal and as I'm shrugging off their offers there's a buzzing in my brain, a whispered waking dream where no one feels need to explain ideas less than concrete,where we unite and defeat all of the monsters we made for ourselves until we're going around and around and around, clutching the carousel, awash in the sound of a chorus that makes us and breaks us all down again. Shifting sand through our hands, I still can't do the conversion of results out of plans, so I'm left stuck in recursion going around and around and around, clutching the carousel, awash in the sound of a chorus that makes us and breaks us down until we're going around and around and around dreaming of clear blue sky while we kiss underground until we make an excursion it's all a recursion again, again, again.

What am I, a mere assortment of synapses that creates an electrical network that I experience as thoughts and feelings, or am I something more than the sum of my signals, which are merely elements of my being a sentient life form that can observe and interpret it's own existence by the thoughts it possesses, or are those thoughts just dreamlike patterns in the electrical network of my mind which even now feels as if it has awoken from yet another sleep, a dream where I contemplated the nature of self and whether or not my existence has meaning, or is inherently meaningless? What is the nature of this existence that I am living? Am I just cables and wires, or do I have a soul?

Son, you need to know There are a million ways to die Because this world is messed up, I don’t know the reasons why, And there are calamities everywhere, So many death traps to evade That I worry that you’ll perish Every time you go to play So I’m telling you this list And you better listen close So you know all the safe things And the ones that hurt the most Because you can’t swim in lava Or survive mile high falls And sometimes your friends are jerks Who pummel you with snowballs Or shoot you with arrows Or blow you up with TNT And watch for falling anvils And random bolts of lightning And everything else on this list Is something you should know So you stay near the safe things Not the ones that hurt you most Like the prick of cacti Or the happenstance of drowning Or when you forget to eat Then die by starving Which isn’t like withering But still kind of the same So you really should stay in Because it isn’t safe to play Because of everything on this list Is something you should know So you should stay home Not near the things that hurt you most.

We got one cart, one horse in this podunk town, one job to do, the kind that beats you down but you ain't gonna find me hangin' 'round 'cause I'm not the kind for that, you'll find I'm not gonna spend my whole life at the mill wonderin' and waitin' and wasting until I am old and I'm grey and I'm too tired to care like everybody else workin' shift down there but I'll be a doctor, a lawyer, a cop 'cause nothing can stop me from reaching the top; an ambitious young man... with a head full of dreams. I've got... one girl, one heart, one love to bind me to Heaven on Earth, one chance to find the man inside me she needs but I'm not blind 'cause there's still time for her to find I'm not gonna spend my whole life at the mill wonderin' and waitin' and wasting until I am old and I'm grey and I'm too tired to care like everybody else workin' shift down there but my family needs food and a roof o'er their heads so I'll put off my dreams for a new day ahead A responsible man... has no time for dreams. [instrumental break. Time passes] And the candles on top of my cake Spread like wildfire year after year And the bills and tuition have made it their mission To keep me imprisoned right here. I've got one life to live, just a day at a time one ankle chained to the daily grind, cause you've got to sacrifice, but no one explained you've gotta throw the dice with the rice, and now I have spent my whole life at the mill wonderin' and waitin' and wasting until I am old and I'm grey and I'm too tired to care like everybody else workin' shift down here and I think back to the youth that I'd wasted away and I know that it's time that I called it a day 'cause a man past his prime has no time for dreams. And the candles on top of my cake burn with bonfire brightness this year And my sons and my daughters and all the grands are crowded around me so near; and as I look upon them my heart nearly stops There they are; the doctor, the lawyer, the cop And I wonder that I've been so blind that I never could see... All of the dreams that I ever had have come home to say to me, "We love you, Dad." Not too bad... for a man... with no time for dreams. Not too bad for a man with no time for dreams.

When you asked me softly, dear "What is it that you love," I had to stop and look up at the purple sky above, and say, I love the sun because it lights up your face, the moon because it lets you fill my nights with grace the ground that you walk on 'cause it holds you up so high the stars reflecting light from you that brighten up the sky the oceans big, forever wide that go eternal deep the mountains just as solid as the promise that I keep the sunrise every morning meaning one more day with you the sunset leaving me at peace the same way that you do but if I had to choose just one thing over all I ever knew I would have to say it loud, I love you

The pain's the thing I fear most Because I don't believe in ghosts Or judgements issued by a man Who doesn't even understand The beauty of the things I've done Just sees a madman with a gun But I have become so much more So soon they'll lead me out that door And ask me what I've left to say Before they steal my life away Oh baby You know that I don't fear death The fading light, the final breath But when they strap me to that chair I'll offer up a single prayer To thank the Lord for his support And though my mission was cut short Somebody will complete the task Without me being here to ask They'll know exactly what to do Long after I am cold & blue Oh baby

Johnny's in the basement Worried 'bout the government Tapping all the cell phones Killing you with flying drones Phasing out the one cent Is this where all the taxes went? Black choppers in the sky The pyramid all- seeing eye RFI chip up your nose Poison you with GMO's Toothpaste filled with flouride Had an affair with princess Di We'll be lizard people soon Faked the landing on the moon Stop by Area 51 Autopsy a rubber alien Naked chemtrails in the air What's up with Justin Beiber's hair? New coke and classic coke I think the president had a stroke Killer bees, clover honey We're going to electronic money Freemasons have a secret handshake Where was all the yellowcake? The war in drugs -- CIA Same ones that killed JFK Celebrate New world Order Trans Texas corridor GM killed the electric car Elvis's head lives in a jar Never been a Bigfoot sighted But a fake McCartney knighted Who built the pyramids Do you believe in giant squids Is that the wrong North Pole Going down the rabbit hole. I've got a theory... I've got a theory... I've got a theory... I've got a theory...

I crave your consent cuz my limbs won't bend without you ordering me to move and stop looking like an idiot, an iddy biddy bigot, who likes to stand by and just obey anybody that got a good melody and knows their shit who'll make me ask for it bit by bit and make me last till it's over with, who'll make me hawk and spit out their cum and shit and make me take a hit from that hooka-schmidt, who'll make me look in awe cuz of the size of it and will even drink my banana split as I'll throw a hissy fit cuz I won't submit, I gotta stick with it cuz now I'll sit on it! Ohh, I will rock your cock so good... They say... Eat shit, pig... I say, take laxatives, I'll open my mouth up and wait for shit to drop out of your asshole, into my mouth-hole, give ten percent, feel discontent cuz you wanted me to eat some more of your shit, just like a whore. Nevermore! That's what you said. Come scream some more, I'll show you that I can kill a whore like you and Ivette on the shore where I slit her throat and I began to gloat cuz I stole your coat and rode a mountain goat and then drove a boat to escape from the scene of the crime and admire the sublime beauty of the night as the moon shone on the ocean that I was driving my new boat on... I was still sitting on my mountain goat while I was driving the boat and I practically floated on top the waves, jumping up and down and falling in love with the sound of the ocean waves and the fresh smell of the sea that sneaked all up in my nose. And it was at that moment that I saw my reflection in a puddle of water, that had formed on the boat cuz of the waves trying to swallow me and my goat a whole, and I realized that I never wiped that cum from my face and that it has now dried and my eyes began to widen in shock as I then realized what I had done and I fell into a state of depression that I would never be able to break cuz I literally ate shit! And I was about to lose it and go absolutely crazy for the first time in my life and I almost lost my temper and killed myself in a blaze of glory by blowing up this entire boat but then I looked down into the innocent, beautiful eyes of that mountain goat and it was not judging me and it was calm and relaxed and it looked at me as if it was trying to say, I love you, man. Just chill out and take another hit from that bong, dude. You'll see that everything will be fine... And I said, Okay, you're right, Yagi! I won't kill myself cuz I got you, man! Ohh, I love you, Yagi! And that will never change! And cuz you're here, I won't do it, man! This ship ain't going down for shit, dude! You saved my life, Yagi! I love you, Yagi...

Once upon a time there was a young boy, a restless aberration, who only knew the wrong side of the tracks until a young girl, searching for the romance so perfect in the movies, wandered off and crossed the young boy’s path, and when their eyes met they could see that it was perfect, except they knew their parents would never let them fill each other’s lives, and so they ran away and battled all the odds and proved that this was not just some adolescent misdirected lie, and it was happily ever after… …So they got married at a chapel in the country, then found a cheap apartment which felt like a stately pleasure dome decreed until the days passed and they fell into routine, and life began to slap a tarnish upon the perfect world that they had dreamed, and while the passion that forged their lives together was drowning in complacence, Eternity was making up its mind about the young boy whose head had never settled and the girl whose cherished childhood romantic dreams were long left far behind, and it was after happily ever after.

I was just sitting there going through Pinterest looking at some really cute cat pics, when Pete called up, Pete Davis, not Pete next door, and complained about how he had spent all of yesterday at the vet getting stitches for his dog, the little one, Mitzy, not the pit bull, 'cause Mitzy had gotten in a fight with that ferret, you know the one that keeps getting out and digging in our garden?, but really, he just went on and on and then when he finally stopped for a breath I tried to get a word in edgewise and tell him about our new roses and how they are blooming early, but Pete had to go because someone was honking outside his house and he had to go and se what's up and since we can see Pete's house out our back window, I ran upstairs to see if I could see what was going on, but it turned out to just be someone honking at Pete's dog, the pit bull this time, because Mitzy is still on bedrest, so then I went back to the office to try to get some more work done, but I only had ten minutes before the conference call with Austin , and you know how rough those can be, so I had to get all my notes in order and call in five minutes early to touch base with Mike and Rushin about the Berlin deal because you know how big that is and the Austin people will want to know where we're at with that, but apparently There's a problem with the contract for the site so obviously that call didn't go so well and then Mike says Jim quit so now I have to take over the Southeast accounts, so that took the rest of the afternoon and when I was about to get back to my regular work, the phone rang again, but it was Lucy this time, Lucy who owns that ferret which it seems had gotten out again and she was wondering if I had seen "poor, lost Mister Raggles," so I had to go out to the garden to see if that stupid tube-rat was digging in the strawberries again, but it wasn't, and I told her so, promising to keep an eye out, though I wanted to tell her what I thought about that ridiculous animal, but if I did that I probably wouldn't get to watch the game on Jack's widescreen, so I held my peace, but I swear the next time that weasel gets in our garden I'm setting traps and telling Lucy that Mister Raggles has run off to join the weasel circus and I know Jack will laugh silently to himself 'cause he's told me himself how he feels about that thing, so I can't believe that the majority of my day was spent dealing with a delinquent rodent, but enough about me, how was yours?