Hello I’d like to introduce myself
As candidate for president
of the United States
I’d like to help you all I can

According to the facts up on this chart
To which I point with my tentacle
I’ll increase productivity by
enslaving all humans

I have won your nomination
But now I must shift to the center
And so I’ll reveal our master plan
As I recite another quip

The point is that we'll enslave you
And force you to strip your own planet
Of all its natural resources
As we return them to our ship

We will make a better place to live
We will make a better place to live

And now that I have won this election
I might as well tell you
Your corpses will be used as toys
For our children to teeth on

And many of you will be used as farms
From which we’ll drink your blood
Forever in a cage, so there’s no way
That you can run

We will make a better place to live
We will make a better place to live
For us
Not you
Why so surprised? You needn’t be terse
I mentioned “enslavement" in the second verse
We’ve won
We’ve won
We’ve won