I'm getting up early 'cause I can't be late
I have to travel to a different state

Got to arrive by 6 on the dot
Just to be sure I get a parking spot

They say arrive 2 hours in advance
To make the process go smooth

I hate to complain but it's such a drag
Doing the Airport Rag

Then I have to go through security

First they must determine
If my name is on the no-fly list
Checking my ID

I guess that they're suspicious
That I might just be a terrorist
On a killing spree

They give me a glance
And mark on my boarding pass

I can only hope
I'm not selected to get groped

Waltzing through the checkpoint
In my stocking feet
Place my liquids in the bin
Bagged up nice and neat

The signs say jokes and comments
Will be taken seriously
And invite investigtion
Of your body cavities

When the man beside me asks me
What gate I'm headed for
I catch myself before I blurt out
That I have C4

Put your feet on the marks
Put your hands in the air

If you're often a commuter
You could possibly get neutered
By a burst of radiation
From the body scan machine

Revealed in all my glory
Anyone can see the story
Where they took out my appendix
When I was just fourteen

Then I get re-dressed and gather by belongings
Down the concourse moving right along
To the gate where much to my dismay
My flight has been delayed