There was a little door behind my office desk
I was just curious when I looked inside
What happened next felt rather Kafkaesque
A metaphysical rollercoaster ride to the other side

I woke up in a body that wasn't mine
In a bedroom in a house that wasn't mine
At least I had retained some of my volition
So I looked for a mirror to examine my condition
It was weirder than anything I had ever seen
I was trapped inside the body of Edric Haleen

Aaaah!

I was no longer bald and I had a beard
Maybe this wasn't as bad as I had feared
I looked down at my / his trembling hands
But I did not dare to peek into those pants
At least I hadn't turned into Charlie Sheen
But it felt scary being trapped inside Edric Haleen

A woman I'd never seen came in and tried to kiss me
She said that I should hurry or else the kids would miss me
Did this mean that we had kids? Or that I was a teacher?
I really didn't know the standard operating procedure
I ran out onto a street I'd never seen
And still I was trapped inside Edric Haleen

I just want to go back home to Germany
But now that I'm Edric - what if he's me?
Will he go out and trade my heavy metal collection
For Billy Joel, Elton John, Barry White, Elvis Costello and the Attraction?
What have I done? What does it mean?
I'm trapped inside the body of Edric Haleen

I want to be Jutze again - I've had enough
But now I feel the urge to sing about mathematical stuff (...99999999999...)
The variance of a binary variable is p times (1 - p)
Why the heck does this dog keep barking at me?
This song must be at least 6 minutes 15
Oh the horror of being trapped inside Edric Haleen
It all makes sense at the end - but I'm stuck in between
Will I ever find a way out of Edric Haleen?
Just let me out!