My children were bitten by werewolves
Now they howl at the moon when it's full
It's a good thing that I never feared wolves
I'm a daddy that don't take no bull
I spend quality time with my young'uns
We still go to the park and play catch
'cept one week out of four
When they scratch at the door
Then we go to the beach and play fetch

We're keepin' it Howl in the Family
Just everyday folk right next door
Universal appeal
That we just can't conceal
We're ord'n'ry right down to the core

My wife, she turned into a zombie
And she wanted to feast on my skull
But my poor baby had to go hungry
'cause my cranium just ain't that full
I invited the neighbor to supper
He's in Mensa with a Ph.D.
Then I bashed in his head
And she fed on the dead
'Cause she means all the world to me

We're keepin' it Howl in the Family
Just everyday folk right next door
Universal appeal
That we just can't conceal
We're ord'n'ry right down to the core

You may wonder why I'm not infected
Well, I am but there don't seem to be
Any symptoms that can be detected
Of zombies or lycanthropy
So I guess I'll go back to my coffin
Where I'll sleep 'til the daylight is gone
Then I'll knock back a flood
Of delectable blood
'til tomorrow brings one more new dawn

We're keepin' it Howl in the Family
Just everyday folk right next door
Universal appeal
That we just can't conceal
We're ord'n'ry right down to the core

Universal appeal
That we just can't conceal
We're ord'n'ry right down to the core