Edric Haleen - I Hope You Die

from by Various Artists

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lyrics

Why am I still with you
When you steal and cheat and lie?
You make me feel I’m worthless
Ev’ry time you happen by.
I wish I could break up with you,
But I can’t say goodbye.
There’s just a single thought
That helps me to get by . . .

I’d be so happy if I
Woke tomorrow morning and dis-
Covered that your doctor made your
Sleeping pills too strong.
I love imagining you
Jumping off a bridge and then dis-
Covering that someone made your
Bungee cord too long.
Or just the thought that maybe
One day, when you’re walking home, you
Might get killed in traffic makes my
Spirit start to fly!
I hope you die.
I hope you die.

I’d be ecstatic if you
Died from eating something that was
Poisoned and delivered by a
Crazy, jealous ex.
Or, while we’re at it, since you’re
Cheating on me anyway, I
Wouldn’t even mind it if you
Died while having sex!
Or something simple like an
Aneurysm burst or you got
Crushed by something big and heavy
Falling from the sky!
I hope you die.
I hope you die.

I hope you die a slow and
Agonizing death like all the
Hours that I waited after
You would say, “Hey, Honey? Let’s get
Dressed up and go out!” And I’d say,
“Sure, that sounds like fun!” And I’d put
On a suit and tie and then I’d
Sit there like an idiot and
Wait while you decided on a
Dress and then you had to change your
Bra and then you tried to find a
Belt and then you didn’t like your
Shoes and then you have to do your
Hair and do your face and do your
Nails and pick a necklace and some
Earrings and then spray on some per-
Fume and then you have to find a
Jacket and you have to find your
Cell phone and you have to find your
Car keys and you have to find your
Purse and then you say you’re “good to
Go,” so I get up and then you
Look me up and down and you say,
“Honey-bear, I love you but you
Know I hate that tie . . .”
I HOPE YOU DIE!!!

How ‘bout an accident like
Choking on the dinner that you’re
Trying to inhale?
Or getting trampled by a
Crowd of crazy shoppers on the
Day after Thanksgiving at some
Early-risers’ sale?
Or if your parachute gets
Tangled in some power lines and
Leaves you hanging, helpless, as you
Slowly start to fry?
I hope you die!
I hope you die!
I hope you die!
I hope you die!!

Maybe you’ll meet up with a
Homicidal maniac who
Kills you and then dumps you where your
Body can’t be found!
It doesn’t matter, just so
Long as when it happens, I can
Prove I’m somewhere else with lots of
Witnesses around!
I know you’d think with all the
Shit that I’ve put up with I’d be
Strong enough to leave you, but ‘til
I can be that guy
I hope you die!
I hope you die!!
I hope you . . .

< Sound effect -- someone arriving >

Oh. Hi, Sweetie! How was your day?
Did you want something to eat?
I could fix us something . . .

< Sound effect -- door closing >

(God, I hope you die . . .)

credits

from SpinTunes #3: Round 1, released June 21, 2011
Thanks and credit to Brandi Burns, for her assistance in brainstorming lists of creative fatalities!

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I run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. You can follow the contest on Twitter (@SpinTunes) or my personal account (@Spintown).

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