Our round 2 song was to write a fight song for our favorite sports team. We did exactly that... for the USC Gamecocks football team (affectionately known by the fans as "the Cocks"). It seems a few judges hail from regions of the country that don't quite grasp the culture here... thus they interpreted our double-entendre as "a rape joke". That couldn't be further from the truth. (Oh, the sheltered innocence of those who've never heard of BDSM!)
That particular dysfunction doesn't occur in our own heads. FOURTEEN people, male AND female, collaborated on that song, not one of which had rape on the brain.
So when the opportunity arose in the VERY NEXT ROUND to write a "protest song" about something you feel very strongly about, and someone in chat jokingly suggested protesting the last round, this came to mind.
Should this step on anyone's toes, especially a judge's, kindly remember that instead of jumping down your throats we took that completely off-base and inflammatory charge in good humor, and this is presented in a continuing spirit of good-natured fun. We're not hatin'. As the title says...
Some folks are educated at the School of Hard Knocks.
But Lindyke studied letters where the athletes are called Cocks.
And we protest most strongly on behalf of our beloved jocks
And all of their adoring fans
Spread out to many distant lands
By crass attempts at judge's hands to besmirch their reputations
It seems that multiculturalism
Is excluded by the prism
They employ to spread the jism of their lamentations
(We say "jism" in the sense of "seed"
They spew in hopes that we should heed
Ideas that very honestLY
Are widely "off the reservation")
You see, football is a game in which
The rules REQUIRE we force our way past
Our opponent's strong defence
And thusly penetrate the end zone.
They call this scoring;
Not to be boring,
But it's the difference between warring
And a friendly past time played between some well-informed adults.
And if you find it bears some passing similarity to rape
That's an unfortunate coincidence we simply can't escape
Since the context is quite distinct
The two can't seriously be linked
And must be analyzed with very different results.
"They said no but they meant yes"
Are lyrics in our song invention
Some got it but as for the rest
We'll spell it out, to allay contention
When the Line defends their rear
The "NO!" they cry in their frustration
Is their part to play within the game for which they seek ovation,
But of their own accord they freely chose to play this game,
Thus the "YES!" that is contained in our refrain!
To make it very clear that we intended this to be
We enlisted Cherry Pi to cry enthusiastically
So you might know that this is simply welcome fun
Instead of concluding it was rape and jumping to your gun.
We simply cannot meekly take such nasty, vicious libel
So take a long walk on a short pier and go there to thump your Bible.
Though a scientific mind like yours might not be quite so tribal
(You know, it must be very sad to be an atheist AND a prude
You'd have nothing of your own to thump -- oh wait, I guess you do.)
And to answer one more question
(to our minds, the very best one)
No, we never get tired of sexy fun; if we did we'd be doing it wrong.
But we don't, and that is why we keep it UP so very long.
from SpinTunes #6: Round 3,
released February 26, 2013
Lyrics and groove by Dr. Lindyke
Guest vocals: Cherry Pi
Electronic bass: Dave Leigh
Drums: Jim Dooley
Cherry Pi appears by special arrangement with Poison Tree Frog productions.
I run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. You can follow the contest on Twitter (@SpinTunes) or my personal account (@Spintown).