I. Introduction
There’s a contest in the land to spin a song
and I know the brilliant judges
trust the players to play along
and I hate to be the one to pull the veil from their eyes
but someone has to tell them
so I guess it must be I

the dirty little secret
hidden right beneath the spin
it’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win

II: The Pretenders
Capital letter A is Zoe Grey
But let’s put “teen” in quotes
It's a ploy to garner votes
In fact she lives in Vegas and she’s almost fifty-three
she runs her voice through filters for the youthful frequencies

Letter B is better known as Edric Haleen, the writing machine
and by machine I literally mean
when you switch him on the light goes green
He’s programmed to manipulate the judges’ vagal nerves
Don’t say I didn’t warn you when computers rule the world

The dirty little secret
hidden right beneath the spin
It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win

III: The Bad Role Models
Ross Durand is Number Three sub A
The devil bought his soul, which pretty much explains
all the hits and all the hooks, cause it's Satan’s tongue they’re sung in
Is that the kind of win we should be showing to the young'uns?

B is Dr. Lindyke, who are currently en suit
for musical malpractice involving a pan flute
They're cunning and unscrupulous and wanted for assault—
though now I come to think of it, that’s probably Heather’s fault—

Oh Joe and Katherina
Daniel David Paul
Please don’t think I’m getting
any pleasure here at all
I say this with impartiality:
It looks like you should just DQ
everyone but me

The dirty little secret
hidden right beneath the spin
It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win

IV: Conclusion
And these are just a few
of the cads who vy for first
Although I have to tell you that the rest are even worse
I know it isn’t nice to mention names
(Ben and Adam, Jutze, Felix, Ryan, Brian, Ray, and James)

The dirty little secret
hidden right beneath the spin
It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win

The dirty little secret
hidden right beneath the spin
It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win