Lemme tell you the story of a tiny man
Fightin’ crime the best he can
Good old Hank Pym was a scientist
Doin’ research and checkin’ stuff off his list

He cooked up a powerful new gas
And when the smoke and noise had passed
He woke up shrunken on the floor
He knew he was now something more

He was the Ant-man, he’s the incredible Ant-man
He shrinks to microscopic size
Can’t fight much crime, Lord knows he tries

He’s not strong like the Hulk or Superman
But he’s got lots of tiny friends
The ants upon whom he depends

Built a helmet to communicate
With his six-legged pals so he won’t be late
In kickin’ butt and fighting crime
All powered by his Pym Enzyme

Some Egghead tried to take him down
But Henry took out that dumb clown
Then he met a girl who stung his heart
She crawled under his skin from the start

He is the Giant-man, he’s the extraordinary Giant-man
He grows to such amazing heights
But still looks goofy in his tights

He’s not cool like Dr. Strange or Iron Man
Sometimes when he cannot hack it
He’ll turn into a YellowJacket

Ant-man and the Wasp, they’re quite a team
But Henry lacked a certain self-esteem
He tried to grow, to steal the show
A Goliath among men, you know

But when he had a larger figure
It wasn’t just his head that got bigger
His ego grew to mammoth size
And we all know that’s none too wise

He's Giant Man - Overcompensating Giant Man
He grows to Megolithic size
Crackin’ the bad guys with his thighs.

He's not funny like Howard the Duck or Forbush Man
His brain is losin' all compunction
Right from wrong just will not function

Built a robot who was really bad
Just so he could be a Dad
His Avenger Pals are all so cross
because his moral compass' lost

He’s dicked around for 40 years
And cause his pals nothing but tears
Just hang it up –it’s been too long
You’ve even got a lousy theme song

He is the Ant Man - He's The Pathetic Ant Man
Hey, pal, you should just get a life
What superhero beats his wife?

He's not psychotic like Elektra or Wolverine
But he’s still got his tiny friends
The ants upon whom he depends

Ant Man - He's just Pathetic Ant Man