Way back when I was still playing Call Of Duty 4 On a website kinda like Metacafe or Daily Motion located next to your MySpace and often found via Yahoo internet searches (You know the place) Well, anyway, it was 2010 and my channel was doing just groovy! Except, of course, for the fact that I started my first video with a cheesy pick up line, and rambled my veiwers to sleep with post commentary. Aw, dull post commentary! Every single video! It was not quality content I said to my cat I said, "Hey, cat, how could I improve my videos?" And my cold, callous cat She glared at me like a baby after you take away it's binky And she jumped onto my shoulder And she said, "I'm hungery!" And then she scratched my neck with her claws and meowed incessantly while knocking over all my gymnastics medals until I had learned my lesson That's when I swore that someday Someday I wouldn't need to ask my cats advice on how to improve my content, my videos will be filled with action, and the graphics will astonish With storylines filled with drama My channel will be a place people go to give 5 star ratings just for fun Where Captain Kirk & Captain Picard fans can talk Star Wars together Wacka wacka doodoo yeah! Well that was a turning point, it wasn't long at all before I found my muse Because the very next week, I came across a videogame with very little action incredibly lame graphics and absolutely zero storyline Not what I desired, but exactly what I needed That's right, that's when I transformed into Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez! Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez! Oh yeah You know, I still remember my first survival let's play Those were the good old days, things were so simple I spawned in an overgrown jungle and created a bunch of floating trees just because that's the type of person I am And I turned that wood into a monstrousity of a treehouse And a zombie & a creeper tag teamed me like the Road Warriors And I found diamonds then broke my back mining obsidian And, oh yeah, I met my best friend Jerry The Slime And I threw him in a cage and didn't leave him water And I went about my buisness for days until I finally noticed that Jerry had demonitized But it's ok You know why? 'Cause it wasn't my fault I built that cage to meet all OSHA standards No it wasn't my fault I built that cage to meet all OSHA standards No it wasn't my fault I built that cage to meet all OSHA standards Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ah I guess I was a little distraught over Jerry But I was still riding high from prior wins The views were pooring in from TNT, and of course Revenge And my Skyblock adventures and fighting zombie Nazis And my super duper star studded hunger games videos But next it was time for another step towards complete Minecraft Let's Play domination I was in Minecraft Story Mode And the game was amazing up until they killed my character off Not sure why, but they did! Well, I got so irritated and I couldn't let that slide So I looked up Telltale Games' address And I drove to their studios in my Toyota Corolla at a very aggressive 45 miles per hour until I reached the front door I knock, and then I wait Finally I yell, "Open up!" No response. "I know what you did." Still no response. "You have to fix this." They're trying to ignore me! So, finally I grab a crate that was on the ground & stand on it to reach the intercom But before I could hit the button a bearded man with a bowl of pulled pork opened the door Oh man, it's the boss Pete Hawley So anyways, he pushes right by me & jumps into my Corolla And I'm like, "Hey, get out of my car! You're going to get beard crumbs all over the seats!" And he's like, "Nope." And I'm like, "Do it!" And he's like, "Screw you." And I'm like, "It's on!" So I grabbed handle and he hit the automatic locks And I jumped on the roof and he sped off down the road And I was thrown to the pavement and he disappeared forever with my sweet ride Yes, indeed, I'd have to walk home now. And that night, my life would change forever, when I downloaded a new map And I called my buddy X33N, then things got really unfair And you know what happened? I'll tell you what happened This map Duped us once and then once more, we burned in deep hot lava Could not escape, we were trapped in a death simulator Duped us once and then once more, we burned in deep hot lava Could not escape, we were trapped in a death simulator It's Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez! Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez! Well, to cut a long story short, that map was extremely unfair I decided to prove myself by defeating a Henzoid map And I would once again draft X33N along with Kara to insure a victory In the Department Of Miscommunications So we put ourselves in adventure mode & started on our quest Things were going great until Kara said something strange She said, "Pig return grass" I said, "Pig poop is not in the game" She said, "Me you return grass" I said, "I don't understand, clock?" She said, "cow return grass" x33N said, "I'm thinking composter" She said, "diamond hoe grass grass grass return grass grass grass" I said, "I have absolutely no idea" She said, "Pig return grass" I said, "You've literally said that and it's not helping." She said, "chicken and villager return only villager" x33N said, "I got nothing." She said, "Just think of just these words that I've been saying" "cow return grass" I said, "Did you miss the part where I said clock?" She says, "But it was cheating, stop talking, let me explain the conundrum I had, I said, "I found the concept of time" Then it got even more confusing with invisible pathways, X33N's angry parkour, baffling grids of tiles, Kara's food obsession, and crawling through mazes *arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg* Oh man, I was going insane While Henzoid was laughing at us The pain kinda reminded me of when I dropped a 10 million sub video without 10 million subs So I decided to releive a little stress... Doh! Why have you done this!? WHHHYYY?! FORK! FORK! I can't take it anymore! FORKIN' FORK! SHOOOOOOOOOOOOORTS! After breaking my keyboard & embedding my mouse into my monitor I calmed myself by listening to the silent screams of thousands of glowsquids falling into lava And it just so happens, that's when I got a phone call from the girl of my dreams Her name was Whitney She was an aspiring rapper, and a huge Disney fan with a keen interest in the big bang theroy I'll never forget the first thing she said to me She said, "Hello, do you guys deliver?" She dialed a wrong number to my heart We had a mutual love of butter boots Going out dancing, good animation We both believed that hummingbirds were the sharks of the sky We even hugged a few times So we collaborated on a video And it gave birth to lots of memes - sometimes to my embarrassment But, our love was too passionate for memes to stop, aw yeah But then while doing parkour, Whitney said to me She said, "Oh Shortcake, why do you call that a strafe jump instead of a neo?" I said, "Whoa, just because everyone else calls it that, doesn't mean I have to as well." So I jumped in my Jord GT and drove away And I never once looked back Cause I'm Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez! Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez! Anyway, things really started going well for me Because I got invited to compete in the Minecraft Championship That's right, a chance to go head to head with the best around First time was a little rough but then I started losing like I was born for it (creeper) Aw man, no matter who I was teamed with they couldn't carry me But I was still getting more popular Ok, like one time, I made it to dodgebolt And even though we lost most people dressed as Yellow Yaks to show support So I tracked down SMajor after the competition so I could ask him for a favor So I say to him, "Hey, could you rig it so I never win?" And Scott, didn't even hesitate and said "Sure, but it doesn't seem like you need any help from me." Now that was low And when he sees a tear form in my eye He's like, "Hey man, it was just a joke!" Well, that's just fine I can take a joke after all Mr. I got to play the maps ahead of time You know, he's just jealous of my forehead tricks "Soak it in!" You'll never be able to do this. Say, that reminds me of some others that like to dunk on me All my loyal weight Re-rackers on Reddit can get a little carried away Well, at least once in awhile If I make a honest mistake I never get to forget about it Like this one time when I let my eyes wander a little And I'm like, "Hey, come on, you did me dirty." But they just keep coming up with more things I'd rather not remember You know, sometimes they even use my own words and logic against me Man, it's like they enjoy hurting me, you know? Anyway, um, I still love them Cause they do cool stuff as well Uh well, I think I should probably stop rambling on an on because the only thing I actually wanted to say is: I Am Awesome! That's all you really need to know So, at some point, if you need a place to go that will make you forget how inconsequential your life has become No matter how pitiful And no matter how worthless you are to the rest of the planet and humanity As long as you have the ability to hit that like button You can rest assured there's one place that will always welcome you The best Minecraft channel ever CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez I said, "C" (C) "A" (A) "P" (P) "TAIN" (TAIN) "...Sparklez!" (Sparklez!) CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez CaptainSparklez

Trying to end the year strong Really wanna win that coin You made me want to rage quit Give up and never rejoin It's all a mess and all wrong I can't believe you've done this Tubbo what'd I ever do to you You sent me down Into the abyss Well sometimes I slip and get annoyed But Tubbo watch out or you'll get destroyed Stabbed me in the back And I said Fuck You Philza Now I'm catching flack Cause I said Fuck You Philza Knocked me off the stage And I said Fuck You Philza Filled me with rage... Now I'll fuck you up Tubbo my boy-o You did it more than once, Tubbo Wish I'd never carried you Made me look like a dunce, Tubbo It's time you got a clue Vengeance is a coming It's just a matter of time You'll lose in every single race Tubbo what you did is a crime Well sometimes I work but I'm self employed A fulltime bad ass that you oughta avoid Stabbed me in the back And I said Fuck You Philza Now I'm catching flack Cause I said Fuck You Philza Knocked me off the stage And I said Fuck You Philza Filled me with rage... Now I'll fuck you up Tubbo my boy-o Head to head you are no threat I aim to give you a whack After you're unalived there's more, Sneeg will be next And Philza will have to wait. Well sometimes I sleep and dream of the void I'm hunting you down, you are a dead cuboid Stabbed me in the back And I said Fuck You Philza Now I'm catching flack Cause I said Fuck You Philza Knocked me off the stage And I said Fuck You Philza Filled me with rage... Stabbed me in the back And I said Fuck You Philza Now I'm catching flack Cause I said Fuck You Philza Knocked me off the stage And I said Fuck You Philza Filled me with rage... Now I'll fuck you up Tubbo my boy-o I didn't say fork And meant it

I was walking down the street one day Lifting every stranger that passed my way When suddenly darkness fell around me The air grew cold as I looked up to see A 5-year-old giant female butterbean The meanest looking kid I'd ever seen On her way home from kindergarten She looked at me & crushed her milk carton Lurching forward expecting me to move But I stood firm with something to prove She looked down at me and with a smirk said, "You better get out of my way butthead." I was nervous but I had an idea I wouldn't run from this bitch Sophia After I said a quick little prayer I shouted, "Oh my gosh look over there!" That's when I threw a left hook Followed by an uppercut I put her on the ground She's wishing she'd kept her mouth shut So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids... Give me some space. Or I will punch you in your face. Walking the next day I was feelin' fine Word of my dominance had spread online I didn't expect trouble again At least until, I ran into Glen In kidergarten for the 2nd time So tough he didn't have a bedtime When he was alone he was quite bossy But this time he brought along the posse Sophia had friends in low places None of which could tie their own shoelaces I may have bitten off more than I could chew These kids were about to beat me black & blue Max was there with his wiffleball bat Susie in soccer cleats geared for combat Billy found some Jarts in his dads garage Planning to unleash an aerial barrage That's when I threw a left hook Followed by a roundhouse kick Blood & snot all over my hands The smell of fishsticks was making me sick So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids... You should know your place. Or I will punch you in your face. Winning that fight made me a big man Gained a lot of CaptainSparklez Stans I fought to prove I wasn't a doormat But I learned something from this little spat I kinda enjoyed beating up kids Punching their eyes closing their eyelids So from then on, I did it for fun And now you know how it all begun I still throw a lot of left hooks And I'm working on a new suplex I'm lifting lots of weights cause Punching kids is my favorite flex So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids... Give me some space. Or I will punch you in your face. Yeah

(Win Please win) (Win Please win) (Win) Ok girls (Please win) (Win Please win) Well Hi there viewers you know me I used to be a major dud in MCC I was number one, in losing streaks 'Til Scott looked at my team and made some tweeks My name is Jardon, now get this right I'm gonna hip you to my team that is out of sight Our man Purpled's live and got the drive As our in game leader he's gonna thrive Now this is Oli our team time keeper Cat's out of the bag he's a massive sleeper Don't forget Tommy boy and when conversing All I can understand is all the cursing To any doubters who didn't rejoin You can fork off baby, I got me a coin The curse is broken, no third place for me Twenty-two's my number, and now I'm free! (Please shoot oh hear my plea Oh Captain can't you see You're gonna take us to the top You're making history And it feels so good to me Ooh Captain please don't ever stop) Let's get goin', don't be tardy It's time for Quig's birthday party - (par-ty) These hungry Pink Parrots started of fast We all thought meltdown was a crazy blast We ran, we tagged and in first we stayed And thanks to Tommy, we got DMCA'ed They cooled our jets, with a another dunk And in rocket spleef, our performance stunk We toppled some walls, to get back on track And I'm not gonna lie, my performance was cracked Then Twitter made us Ace Race, admins loled While MichaelMcChill wanted the map recalled The ensuing battle went terribly bad We all got killed by jojo, and were intensely mad Before Sand of Time, our faith was shaken If you counted us out, you were mistaken I went down down into some mazes I opened the blue vault and killed some blazes (Please shoot oh hear my plea Oh Captain can't you see You're gonna take us to the top This is your destiny This thing was meant to be Take the shot you will not be a flop) Say your shorts ain't green and your shirt ain't black? Well get lost kid, your look is whack (Ba da ba da ba da da da pa.... Do it Captain Do it.) We got across like a boss with a shocking ending Got on top with a hop and now were ascending It was Dodgebolt time we had the crowd The chat was screaming and getting loud We won the first game, then started to stumble I'm not placing blame, but what a fumble Our backs against the wall Purpled took control Shot Dream then George and that crushed their soul The final shot was mine it was time to cleanup The real fake Captain just stood up Now I've won it all, I call it "The Dub" It's time to party people get back to the hub. (You shot I feel such glee Oh Captain we love thee At last you took us to the top You sure made history And it feels so good to me Oh Captain please don't ever stop.) Kara's crying and Jerry's right there Now go buy Quality Content ready to wear (You shot I feel such glee Oh Captain we love thee At last you took us to the top You sure made history And it feels so good to me Oh Captain please don't ever stop.)

They're always watching, and ready to strike Taking all my money, this I do not like Those agents of the D M C A Please have mercy, and let all my ads stay My weight re-rackers, drop land mines Watching and waiting, for me to miss the signs If the claim is false, it might as well be true Appeal the claim, for a month I wait on you You had no reason, to make that claim It's called fair use man, I take no blame You know that it's wrong for you to act this way But you do it anyway Please don't copystrike me If I meant to do it, I might feel bad You have to admit, this would make you mad But a 10 second meme it just took me down And that's why YouTube is a corporate clown You had no reason, to make that claim It's called fair use man, I take no blame You know that it's wrong for you to act this way But you do it anyway Please don't copystrike me If I hit mute fast enough Maybe I'll avoid a scruff Try to talk over you Not sure if that will do But it's hard to know what's right When the claims are made to smite I try to cut it out When I have any doubt You had no reason, to make that claim It's called fair use man, I take no blame You know that it's wrong for you to act this way But you do it anyway Please don't copystrike me Don't do it man. I mean can we just talk about it? Maybe we can hug it out?

Reddoons carried us hard throughout Extraction I was pretty slow down by the Bay I helped my team in Spleef by self subtraction Moved really slow but stayed out of the way Someday, it was bound to happen Happened amid all these tryhard pros Got carried once again to a victory Victory for me just cause I did not throw When my moment came I froze and gave it away Took a back seat like this was teams of fours Melee is not hard when you get carried each time Now you know my strat when playing Block Wars Yeah… A Ninja took control when we played some Skyzone The next Battle was more of the same Did my best in a Race but needed a bigger game Went to a Party but my moment never came Kara took control of Bridge defense While Jojo said let the scoring commence Ninja showed that he could play offense Jojo's goal made the other team wince Game is over, pressure was immense I'm a champ now but drop the pretense We all get carried once in awhile... Someday, it was bound to happen Happened amid all these tryhard pros Got carried once again to a victory Victory for me just cause I did not throw When my moment came I froze and gave it away Took a back seat like this was teams of fours Melee is not hard when you get carried each time Now you know my strat when playing Block Wars I got carried to a win in Block Wars Yeah…

I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes Singing ooooh Creeper's KO'd Loot his remains and now his sulfur's mine Singing ooooh Not today no Then I'll go to work under the birch tree And I'll make myself tons of TNT And I'll use it all to build a city I'll mine it all with TNT 'Cause, baby, tonight The creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again 'Cause, baby, tonight Grab your pick, shovel, and bolt again And run, run until it's done, done Until the sun comes up in the morn' 'Cause, baby, tonight The creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again I gaze off into the boundless skyline Noteblock choirs playing in the sunshine Turn 'round pick up my sword and wield The blade that once forced evil mobs to yield And hope one day that this chaos and Destruction turns for the better Never a bow in hand And that was when I ruled the land This ain't your land, you are gonna get banned So you know, When you plan to go, When you're diggin', you'd better listen So you know, When they gonna show, Makin' sure you're all prepared before you go go go go go (Diggin' Minecraft style) Cast the shadows out from sight A final stand a shouting cry All the wrongs now turned to right So fight the past Take back the night (Ya know, that’s still a weird moment…) Don’t know if I have ever heard you sing but I hear it Hear it, hear it, hear it, hear it, Don’t know if I have ever held your hand but I seek it Seek it, seek it, seek it, seek it Courage to stop a cannonball Together we stand 30 feet tall We got a fire that burns within We are the Dragonhearted We are the Dragonhearted So rush over me one more time I will miss you, torn apart after tonight And we can't fix it Rush over me one more time The end is coming Rush over, rush over me 'Cause I will miss you The lights go off, its sparks are drumming in my heart Its spell, too much There's magic in your eyes The two of us are starting to ignite 'Cause we are the night Waiting in our hearts We can never be apart Wanting just to see The person I set out to be Finding what I need Whisper to the stars as we Hold these promises tonight (Turn it up turn it up) Whenever you're fallin' hit play Turn it up turn it up If you feel you're too far away Turn it up turn it up Don’t craft a diamond hoe, it’s useless The end without a bow, you clueless Got them phantoms raining down You ain’t sleepin yeah they ruthless While you suck we out here stuntin’ Use the wiki don’t know nothin’ Yeah, I’m gonna ride my horse ‘til the old bell toll I’m gonna ride ‘cause I’m on patrol I’m gonna ride my horse ‘til the old bell toll I’m gonna ride ‘cause I’m on patrol So be careful what you wish for, my friend Kingdoms often fall in the end Heed the words of those who are wise And with some luck your kingdom may rise Your kingdom may rise Your kingdom may rise

Quality Content dot com Welcome back to the sub To the sub To the sub Welcome back to the sub To the sub To the sub Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again Back at it again Awww man awww man Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again Back at it again What the frick Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here Bangers here Bangers here Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here It's Spintown Oh it's Spintown dude On no RIP Spintown Spintown Spintown On no RIP Spintown Spintown Spintown Oh frick balls Oh frick balls Oh frick balls I meant to say fork Oh frick balls Oh frick balls Oh frick balls I'm going to get claimed, oh no Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again back at it again Awww man awww man Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again back at it again What the frick Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here Bangers here Bangers here Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here It's Spintown Oh it's Spintown dude On no RIP Spintown Spintown Spintown On no RIP Spintown Spintown Spintown I once punched a kindergartener Unalive *scream of rage* As a parent I really appreciate you using all the appropriate language in your videos As a parent I really appreciate you using all the appropriate language Fuck you Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here Bangers here Bangers here Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here It's Spintown Oh it's Spintown dude On no RIP Spintown Spintown Spintown On no RIP Spintown Spintown Spintown

- Lead Vocalist 1 * Lead Vocalist 2 No indicator means both vocalist sing. -If you've got an eyesore next door -And you can't take it anymore -Don't worry help has now arrived -We're cleaning up on Sleep Deprived *We don't want to create friction *But this is in our juristiction *Don't think of it as a fine *It's a chance for a redesign We go by the book And if you fail your inspections We'll take another look After you make your corrections *Property value is sky high *Due to the rules that we apply -Our complaint box is always bare Because the people know we care If you want to be defiant You'll be H.O.A. non compliant You should watch it and don't push it It'll be best if you just submit We go by the book And if you fail your inspections We'll take another look After you make your corrections No floating No weeds No videos No gobbys No bugs If you don't respect We're here to collect We go by the book And if you fail your inspections We'll take another look After you make your corrections - I'm from the H.O.A. and I'm here to help.