We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

SpinTunes #8: Round 3

by Various Artists

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Purchasable with gift card

     

1.
welcome one, come all to History. get the 411 on how we came to be. turn with me onto page 93, where the lord appeared and he said unto me... "i'm a kid in a big ol' candy store. stole my daddy's tools to build a fort. i might have got a bit carried away." the world that we call "home" was born that day. we stood atop his new creation, i... asked "what now, lord?" he turned to me and smiled. "big plans just ain't my thing...over-rated, i believe. let's walk a bit and see what we can see." a couple kids in a big ol' candy store. a brave new world there to explore. paint the whole world red 'neath skies o' blue. livin' large on history's first afternoon. "i think i'll name this place 'eden'. i like the way it rolls right off my tongue. knelt down and grasped some mud to squeeze it. mold a woman and a man he called "eve" and "adam". a couple kids in a big ol' candy store, turned 'em loose on eachother to make some more. he said "i hope they don't get too carried away. ignorance is bliss, wouldn't you say?" we sat back and watched his fruits of labor, that slithering snake satan sent to sour. they tied their mother earth down and raped her, the last of their sweetness, he devoured. i said "dear lord! why can't you save them?" he said "i'm 'fraid i don't know how." i'm just the architect. not a shrink, nor a priest, nor economist. i'm a spectator just like you up here in the clouds. watching kids in a big ol' candy store. steal their daddy's tools to make some war. i hope they don't get too carried away. how long this thing can last, man, who's to say?" children, are you listening? listen good. there'll be a test at the end, so i sure would. your grade on which could damn or save your soul, so take to heart the words your being told. god's a kid in a big ol' candy store. a cheering fan, no less and not much more. live your life before it gets away. how long this thing can last, man, who's to say?
2.
All right, boys and girls . . . Thanks to our right-wing governor And Republican supermajorities In our State House and Senate And the will of conservative courts And, of course, evangelical lobbyists -- Today I am proud to present to you An alternative science curriculum. Would you please turn to page one Of your new, sacred text . . . And we’ll begin! Ev’rything you’ve learned in here That contradicts the Bible is wrong. The only bits of science It’s okay to put your faith in Are the pieces that agree With what we’ve known all along! The Bible says the Universe Is just six thousand years old. (And the Bible, I remind you, Is the greatest story ever told!) Oh! All the things you’ve learned That say the Universe is ancient are lies. The scientists who tell you It’s a figure in the billions Are ignoring the authority The Bible supplies! The Bible is infallible -- It’s God’s own heavenly word! (And the Bible, I remind you, Tells the greatest story ever heard!) It tells us God’s the cause of ev’rything. The plants that grow. The birds that sing. The stars above. The Earth below. The lives we live. And all we know. The Word of God is all we need. It shows the path If we just heed Its clear-as-crystal, Unambiguous truth! (As interpreted by fundies . . .) Anything that contradicts The Bible is a boatload of crap. So ev’rything in science Is about to be discounted, Save the areas where their beliefs And ours overlap! The Bible’s unassailable -- Beyond all shadow of doubt! So Einstein And Hubble And Darwin And Douglass And Penzias and Wilson And Wilson, Cann and Stoneking And thousands of cosmologists And geologists And biologists And archeologists Paleontologists Dendrochronologists -- Don’t know what they’re talking about! No! No one but the Fundamental Christians can be trusted at all! But armed with Holy Scripture You’ll have access to the answers That the Bible has provided those Who live in its thrall! The Bible is the only place Where all God’s answers belong! So centuries of careful Scientific observation Are never gonna factor in your Right-wing education! Don’t believe the scientists And all that they say. Don’t let the world you see around you Lead you astray. Don’t trust in rationality To figure things out. Don’t let your observations Put your faith in doubt. You can’t believe in science Or in things you can see, So close your books, Turn off your brains And take it from me! Yes! Ev’rything you see and learn and read Except the Bible is wrong! (Except the Bible is wrong!)
3.
I. Introduction There’s a contest in the land to spin a song and I know the brilliant judges trust the players to play along and I hate to be the one to pull the veil from their eyes but someone has to tell them so I guess it must be I the dirty little secret hidden right beneath the spin it’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win II: The Pretenders Capital letter A is Zoe Grey But let’s put “teen” in quotes It's a ploy to garner votes In fact she lives in Vegas and she’s almost fifty-three she runs her voice through filters for the youthful frequencies Letter B is better known as Edric Haleen, the writing machine and by machine I literally mean when you switch him on the light goes green He’s programmed to manipulate the judges’ vagal nerves Don’t say I didn’t warn you when computers rule the world The dirty little secret hidden right beneath the spin It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win III: The Bad Role Models Ross Durand is Number Three sub A The devil bought his soul, which pretty much explains all the hits and all the hooks, cause it's Satan’s tongue they’re sung in Is that the kind of win we should be showing to the young'uns? B is Dr. Lindyke, who are currently en suit for musical malpractice involving a pan flute They're cunning and unscrupulous and wanted for assault— though now I come to think of it, that’s probably Heather’s fault— Oh Joe and Katherina Daniel David Paul Please don’t think I’m getting any pleasure here at all I say this with impartiality: It looks like you should just DQ everyone but me The dirty little secret hidden right beneath the spin It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win IV: Conclusion And these are just a few of the cads who vy for first Although I have to tell you that the rest are even worse I know it isn’t nice to mention names (Ben and Adam, Jutze, Felix, Ryan, Brian, Ray, and James) The dirty little secret hidden right beneath the spin It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win The dirty little secret hidden right beneath the spin It’s liars, cheats, and weasels for the win
4.
The banjo is one of the signature instruments of country and western music. It has a unique sound that resonates from its circle-shaped body. Influential early adopters were Stephen Foster and Pete Seeger. For a typical country banjo please listen to sample number 1. The banjo has five strings and is commonly played with finger picks. The percussive sound of the banjo was used by North American cotton farmers to scare away birds. They also used it to annoy their neighbors. For a traditional banjo lullaby please listen to sample number 2. The banjo was introduced to North American folk music by Scottish immigrants who did not have enough strings to build a proper guitar. BANJO SOLO! Banjos are most popular among people named Travis. For a typical western banjo please listen to sample number 3.
5.
Chester Allan Arthur was a kamikazee communist who flew his helicopter into China's target flag. He won the Karl Marxmanship award for his sideburns but he doesn't like to brag 'Cause Franklin Lincoln told him if you cut down that cherry tree, you should never tell a lie. Unless you've been sippin' on some cotton gin from the South's big fields of rye. I remember history like I recall Sicily It's got a leaning monument to the inventor of the pork rotisserie No, nothing's gotten cloudy in my mind And I'ma stick to the facts, you'll find You gotta keep up or stay behind because you know I'm not gonna rewind. Easter island dino eggs were all dug to make some room for plastic Aztec pyramids, with mustolids in the mummy's tomb ever since St. Patrick came to make the Irish ferrets tame Egypt never was the same now Istanbul has been the name Can't stand that nobel laureate Constantinople story yet Cause they haven't found their glory at the Texas territory, that may be the best excuse for why they can't recall their alibi when remembering the Alamo or the alimony owed I know all the science cause it proves that there were giants they all lived inside the Vatican till L. Ron got all fat again and led a great defiance to wrangle up some clients to sell his Hubbard telescopes to Capricorns and billy goats Chemistry is easy if you're part of the protists family E=MC3 but only for the mass of manatees the elements are relevant to platinum plated pelicans who measure moles of kilodirts in a black hole donut hole of hertz The truth hertz, don't it? I'm a pro at chemistry like Einstein was at dentistry He's famous for his fairy wings and for pulling teeth by tying floss to string theory No, nothing's gotten cloudy in my mind And I'ma stick to the facts, you'll find You gotta keep up or stay behind because you know I'm not gonna rewind. The ancient Chinese dynasties went south to the icy tropics there they found no privacy from lifeforms microscopic Organisms can organize in single file lines But only when a total of a single planet aligns Every mitochondria can be a hypochondriac if it makes all of its energy for no one but insomniacs Organisms can organize in single file lines But only when a total of a single planet aligns Every mitochondria can be a hypochondriac if it all makes energy for no one but insomniacs I remember history like I recall Sicily It's got a leaning monument to the inventor of the pork rotisserie No, nothing's gotten cloudy in my mind And I'ma stick to the facts, you'll find You gotta keep up or stay behind because you know I'm not gonna rewind.
6.
When Lincoln was a little child His mother built a boat of reeds And sailed him down the river Nile That flows through Mississippi (oh! through Mississippi!) A child of Negro slaves He taught us wrong from right His every photograph Integrated black and white (oh! black and white) A man without precedent He became our 14th President He discovered that slavery was wrong... The Emancipation Proclamation he signed into law Such dedication to a nation no one ever saw He built an army great and strong And he marched them down South to face the pharoah And there was Jefferson Davis On his throne upon the Pyramid And Lincoln said...LET MY PEOPLE GO! Then he built an underground railroad With a shovel he made from a skull And the timbers he split with his hands And the steel of his resolve And Lincoln said...LET MY PEOPLE GO! And there were plagues upon the South And it burned with Sherman's Fire And the conflagration rose It was fueled by Lincoln's ire And the firstborn were devoured By gators from the swamp And Tar Baby, he said nothing. Yeah, Tar Baby, he said nothing! And there in the Dust Bowl Davis was laid low And he bowed his head to Lincoln And he let the people go As they danced into Ford's theater To celebrate the day Lincoln stayed behind and then he quietly stole away And somewhere in the wilderness Stands a cabin made of wood. Yes, right now in the wilderness Stands a cabin made of wood. With a stovepipe hat upon a nail. And a fence made of split rail
7.
I'm here today to speak about the Pyramids Of Stonehenge and the Dropa stones, and other wondrous things. So join me on this journey of discovery A sense of child-like wonder is all that you need bring! Now, to begin... Look! and see the mysterious, beautiful past I don't know how you can and not be moved So many JOYless types type out there today Are really too concerned with what one can or cannot prove. Could man have made such wonders? (Nope.) Was culture on the rise? (I don't think so.) (Nuh-uh.) Now I'll reveal whodunit, so listen to me, guys: It was ALIENS! Oh, aliens. Descended to the earth, from the black beyond the blue. Aliens! Don't be contrarian. If you look into your heart, you know it's true. Consider now: cave paintings. They show us all the clues! Looks just like an astronaut, sharing wisdom's wealth; And this! The moon and stars.. or an antelope (or something)... And a caveman'd be too stupid to think of that himself! Does evidence support it? (Of course it does!) (SURE) Have we really thought this through? (YES!) (Yyyyyy-up.) Surely something awesome beats out The logic'ly true? It was aliens! Those crafty aliens. Brought us Promethean fire just to light our cigarettes Aliens! To guide we barbarians. Ungrateful as we are, they might regret. Now, why are you all laughing? Peer-reviewed sticks and stones won't fell us! Call us pseudo-science or pseudo-sane But all you are haters are just jealous... Jealous...? ...that we know aliens! Our savior aliens. One day they'll part the clouds and take us all back to skies. Aliens! 'neath the Mediterranean And when they wake from stasis you'll recognize. It was ALIENS! Oh, aliens. With interstellar travel and nothing better to do. Aliens! Don't be contrarian. I don't have all day to convince you. And if you look into your heart you know it's true.
8.
Hi, this is Ross Durand. You may know me from such online songwriting contests as Nur Ein! and Spintunes! You know People always ask me, “How do you do that, Ross? How do you come up with tehse songs. Well, it won’t be a mystery any more, because I’m going to teach you. First you gotta have a melody And keep it real interesting Use all kinds of notes so it doesn’t get boring. Then you gotta have some chords To sing a long with of course You can pick any chords you want want you’re not stuck just with one key And that’s how you write That’s how you Write That’s how you write A hit song (have a catchy chorus - so you can sing along! Everybody!) Then you gotta have a lyric It can be a little cryptic It’s all poetry so it doesn’t matter whichwords you pick It’s like space ships flying from Mars to the Moon It’s like know ing that only sheep know that Robots eat Pie with a SPoon And that’s how you write That’s how you Write That’s how you write A hit song (and then you rap) Aw - yeah Aw -yeah Rappy rap rap This is a hit song rappy rap Aww - yeah Put your hands in the air See it doesn’t really matter what words you say as long as it’s a rap, but you can make it better by using words like “bitch” and “nigga” - especially if you’re white, then that’s really cool (Kazoo solo) And that’s how you write That’s how you Write That’s how you write A hit song And that’s how you write (repeat and fade) That’s how you write A hit song (or else the big ending!!!!) And that’s how you write That’s how you Write That’s how you write A hit song
9.
There are people in this world that are quite different than the others You may know a few of them; your cousin's girlfriend's brothers are all homeschooled What's up with that? Now, at first you may find these little people quite alarming Cause who's ever hear of a homeschooler being charming? Nobody Ever And how can they learn if they're not tested I think they're getting a little too invested In this theory That has no studies to back it up as a viable learning option Homeschoolers are all socially awkward And lounge about in pajamas every day When they're not being taught by a person who's not a teacher They stay inside cause they don't have friends anyway They're chained up in the basement so they rarely see the sun They never go on field trips, cause what's the fun in leaving their shelter Not that they have the time They never sit in chairs and don't know how to stand in line I bet they won't take orders so there's just no point in trying to use discipline Who listens to parents And how will they ever go to college It's not like they've gained any knowledge It's not like the acceptance rate is actually higher for people who homeschooled Homeschoolers are all socially awkward And lounge about in pajamas every day When they're not being taught by a person who's not a teacher They stay inside cause they don't have friends anyway And I feel bad for the parent Who has to spend time teaching their kid It's not like that job is inherent They have to hang out with the person they created, God forbid Homeschoolers are all socially awkward And lounge about in pajamas every day When they're not being taught by a person who's not a teacher They stay inside cause they don't have friends anyway [x3]
10.
In the pages of professor Fitzgibbon I verified the presence of a vessel Her mission consisted of prosperous freightage Gold and other treasure to be commutated But the cable snapped, her dodger raised She plunged to the depths of the Torres strait This pecunious vessel called the Morningstar Was buried by a copious jumble of feldspar A matron had escaped, squeezed through the skeg She paddled to the shore and hoisted the flag She abandoned ship, but kept close to her womb Consciousness of where substantial wealth was entombed She only revealed these abstruse facts To her lover, the professor who committed them to map Fitzgibbon disappeared but left his depiction Of where the fortune slept. But was it fact… or fiction? Now as I arrive at the muddy bottoms, due east of queensland... The site of the alleged hairbreadth escape by the matron… No ship, no gold, no treasure hidden Just a mummified corpse with a tag that reads "Fitzgibbon" She fell out of love and sent him to die With a very academically presented lie
11.
everyday the sun does rise and reveals a big surprise the entire world sees with its eyes that the sky is blue well, Rainbow Dash and Super Grover hang a large blue curtain over the entire world and hover for an hour or two that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue but if either’s preoccupied they’ll light a Bolian’s head with blue light or sometimes they’ll bring in Bill Nye and enlarge his blue lab coat and if they’re having trouble with that the caterpillar from Wonderland will get high and lie really flat while he blows up clouds of smoke that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue some may say during the day “The sun’s visible spectrum of matters" they will lie and tell you why: “Earth’s atmosphere causes light to scatter" but they are wrong they’ll sing this song: “Because the waves of blues are shorter and then we will mostly see simply blue waves of the spectrum order" that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue that’s why the sky is blue
12.
True cyber security begins with you and me. Only when all information is free, truly free, will we be protected, not by anonymity or secrecy, but by reciprocity. If I have your credit card information, I can buy things with that card, and you will be responsible for those purchases. But what happens if you also have my credit card information? You can easily purchase things under my name in retaliation. We could go on and on in this fashion, digging each other into inescapable depths of indebtedness. But would sane individuals do so? Wouldn't we more likely, and on a grand scale, if globally implemented as I am proposing, embrace a de facto golden rule system? Who would steal only to be stolen from? No one. Justice for the people and by the people would emerge virtually over night. To implement this system of global safety, and to allow you and everyone to immediately take part in it, I have created a website where you can enter your credit card information; www.freeyourcredit.com. There you will also find my name and credit card information. I will periodically send out emails with the updated list of supporters in the free credit movement. I thank you all in advance for your trust and wisdom as we take the next logical step in the internet age. Financial safety, through mutually assured credit destruction.

about

Misleading Melodies - Write a disinformative song with false facts or otherwise confusing information, presented academically. (2 minute minimum) (they had 8 days)

credits

released March 11, 2014

Album art by Matt Schubbe

license

tags

about

Spintown Middletown, Ohio

I used to run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. The rest is mostly Minecraft related songs.

contact / help

Contact Spintown

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

Spintown recommends:

If you like SpinTunes #8: Round 3, you may also like: