Brian Gray - I'll Do It Myself

from by Various Artists

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Alternately titled: You're So Lame, You Probably Think This Song Is About You

This song is not about you. Really. I've had this listed among my "Song Ideas" for years. From the original idea: "Essentally getting into the mind of Rodney McKay from Stargate Atlantis. I’m a craftsman who doesn’t trust anyone else to do as good a job as I do. Everything anyone else does is wrong."

lyrics

What the hell? How could you think that that was going to work?
Can’t you tell? Get a clue. Now the system’s gone berserk.
Put it down, walk away, go and sit over there.
See the spring that’s askew? It’s installed in reverse.
Everything that you do makes the world a little worse.
Take a nap, eat some cheese, just get out of my hair.
Why must I be burdened by such lazy, dense incompetence?
That’s delicate; Just leave it on the shelf.
So now it’s my job to ensure that your stuff is fitting.
Temples throb, must endure freaking babysitting.
Tell you what: nevermind, I’ll just do it myself.

One could not rearrange that and judge it benign.
Here’s a thought: for a change, maybe follow a design?
I’m all ears, lay it out, let me hear your intent.
O(log n)? Not so fast. I mean surely you jest.
Say again how that passed for an automated test.
There go more perfect wheels for you to reinvent!
So you choose what no one uses; what the hell, you might as well
Just target MIX and log it out with GELF.
If coding a link or a span is above your station,
Who could think you can handle the integration?
Try rethinking your life, while I do it myself.

I remember a time when all Septembers had an end
So elite so sweet, how complete the world was then

Really now, listen up, I don’t mean to be rude,
But holy cow, I’m thinking, yup, one could only conclude
That you’re pulling my leg, only fooling around.
If you ought to have flunked on the Person Exam,
And I’m not being punked on a secret hidden cam,
Then the only way out starts with dumbing it down.
I need to ask a simple task, so here you go, some pre-made dough
For hotting like some arboreal elf.
Then again, let’s pretend that you’re playing hooky.
What I most recommend, for a decent cookie:
Steps 1-n are let me do it myself.

credits

from Champions Vs Shadows #1: Shadows, released July 28, 2015

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Spintown Middletown, Ohio

I run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. You can follow the contest on Twitter (@SpinTunes) or my personal account (@Spintown).

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