1. |
||||
Way back when I was still playing Call Of Duty 4
On a website kinda like Metacafe or Daily Motion located next to your MySpace
and often found via Yahoo internet searches
(You know the place)
Well, anyway, it was 2010 and my channel was doing just groovy!
Except, of course, for the fact that I started my first video with a cheesy pick up line, and rambled my veiwers to sleep with post commentary.
Aw, dull post commentary!
Every single video!
It was not quality content
I said to my cat
I said, "Hey, cat, how could I improve my videos?"
And my cold, callous cat
She glared at me like a baby after you take away it's binky
And she jumped onto my shoulder
And she said, "I'm hungery!"
And then she scratched my neck with her claws and meowed incessantly while knocking over all my gymnastics medals until I had learned my lesson
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I wouldn't need to ask my cats advice on how to improve my content, my
videos will be filled with action, and the graphics will astonish
With storylines filled with drama
My channel will be a place people go to give 5 star ratings just for fun
Where Captain Kirk & Captain Picard fans can talk Star Wars together
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!
Well that was a turning point, it wasn't long at all before I found my muse
Because the very next week, I came across a videogame with very little action
incredibly lame graphics and absolutely zero storyline
Not what I desired, but exactly what I needed
That's right, that's when I transformed into
Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez!
Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez!
Oh yeah
You know, I still remember my first survival let's play
Those were the good old days, things were so simple
I spawned in an overgrown jungle and created a bunch of floating trees just because that's the type of person I am
And I turned that wood into a monstrousity of a treehouse
And a zombie & a creeper tag teamed me like the Road Warriors
And I found diamonds then broke my back mining obsidian
And, oh yeah, I met my best friend Jerry The Slime
And I threw him in a cage and didn't leave him water
And I went about my buisness for days until I finally noticed that Jerry had demonitized
But it's ok
You know why?
'Cause it wasn't my fault
I built that cage to meet all OSHA standards
No it wasn't my fault
I built that cage to meet all OSHA standards
No it wasn't my fault
I built that cage to meet all OSHA standards
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
I guess I was a little distraught over Jerry
But I was still riding high from prior wins
The views were pooring in from TNT, and of course Revenge
And my Skyblock adventures and fighting zombie Nazis
And my super duper star studded hunger games videos
But next it was time for another step towards complete Minecraft Let's Play domination
I was in Minecraft Story Mode
And the game was amazing up until they killed my character off
Not sure why, but they did!
Well, I got so irritated and I couldn't let that slide
So I looked up Telltale Games' address
And I drove to their studios in my Toyota Corolla at a very aggressive
45 miles per hour until I reached the front door
I knock, and then I wait
Finally I yell, "Open up!"
No response.
"I know what you did."
Still no response.
"You have to fix this."
They're trying to ignore me!
So, finally I grab a crate that was on the ground & stand on it to reach the intercom
But before I could hit the button a bearded man with a bowl of pulled pork opened the door
Oh man, it's the boss Pete Hawley
So anyways, he pushes right by me & jumps into my Corolla
And I'm like, "Hey, get out of my car!
You're going to get beard crumbs all over the seats!"
And he's like, "Nope."
And I'm like, "Do it!"
And he's like, "Screw you."
And I'm like, "It's on!"
So I grabbed handle and he hit the automatic locks
And I jumped on the roof and he sped off down the road
And I was thrown to the pavement and he disappeared forever with my sweet ride
Yes, indeed, I'd have to walk home now.
And that night, my life would change forever, when I downloaded a new map
And I called my buddy X33N, then things got really unfair
And you know what happened?
I'll tell you what happened
This map
Duped us once and then once more, we burned in deep hot lava
Could not escape, we were trapped in a death simulator
Duped us once and then once more, we burned in deep hot lava
Could not escape, we were trapped in a death simulator
It's Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez!
Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez!
Well, to cut a long story short, that map was extremely unfair
I decided to prove myself by defeating a Henzoid map
And I would once again draft X33N along with Kara to insure a victory
In the Department Of Miscommunications
So we put ourselves in adventure mode & started on our quest
Things were going great until Kara said something strange
She said, "Pig return grass"
I said, "Pig poop is not in the game"
She said, "Me you return grass"
I said, "I don't understand, clock?"
She said, "cow return grass"
x33N said, "I'm thinking composter"
She said, "diamond hoe grass grass grass return grass grass grass"
I said, "I have absolutely no idea"
She said, "Pig return grass"
I said, "You've literally said that and it's not helping."
She said, "chicken and villager return only villager"
x33N said, "I got nothing."
She said, "Just think of just these words that I've been saying"
"cow return grass"
I said, "Did you miss the part where I said clock?"
She says, "But it was cheating, stop talking, let me explain the conundrum I had,
I said, "I found the concept of time"
Then it got even more confusing with invisible pathways, X33N's angry parkour,
baffling grids of tiles, Kara's food obsession, and crawling through mazes
*arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg*
Oh man, I was going insane
While Henzoid was laughing at us
The pain kinda reminded me of when I dropped a 10 million sub video without 10 million subs
So I decided to releive a little stress...
Doh!
Why have you done this!?
WHHHYYY?!
FORK! FORK!
I can't take it anymore!
FORKIN' FORK!
SHOOOOOOOOOOOOORTS!
After breaking my keyboard & embedding my mouse into my monitor
I calmed myself by listening to the silent screams of thousands
of glowsquids falling into lava
And it just so happens, that's when I got a phone call from the girl of my dreams
Her name was Whitney
She was an aspiring rapper, and a huge Disney fan with a keen interest in the big bang theroy
I'll never forget the first thing she said to me
She said, "Hello, do you guys deliver?"
She dialed a wrong number to my heart
We had a mutual love of butter boots
Going out dancing, good animation
We both believed that hummingbirds were the sharks of the sky
We even hugged a few times
So we collaborated on a video
And it gave birth to lots of memes - sometimes to my embarrassment
But, our love was too passionate for memes to stop, aw yeah
But then while doing parkour, Whitney said to me
She said, "Oh Shortcake, why do you call that a strafe jump instead of a neo?"
I said, "Whoa, just because everyone else calls it that, doesn't mean I have to as well."
So I jumped in my Jord GT and drove away
And I never once looked back
Cause I'm Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez!
Caaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaa tain Sparklez!
Anyway, things really started going well for me
Because I got invited to compete in the Minecraft Championship
That's right, a chance to go head to head with the best around
First time was a little rough but then I started losing like I was born for it (creeper)
Aw man, no matter who I was teamed with they couldn't carry me
But I was still getting more popular
Ok, like one time, I made it to dodgebolt
And even though we lost most people dressed as Yellow Yaks to show support
So I tracked down SMajor after the competition so I could ask him for a favor
So I say to him, "Hey, could you rig it so I never win?"
And Scott, didn't even hesitate and said
"Sure, but it doesn't seem like you need any help from me."
Now that was low
And when he sees a tear form in my eye
He's like, "Hey man, it was just a joke!"
Well, that's just fine
I can take a joke after all
Mr. I got to play the maps ahead of time
You know, he's just jealous of my forehead tricks "Soak it in!"
You'll never be able to do this.
Say, that reminds me of some others that like to dunk on me
All my loyal weight Re-rackers on Reddit can get a little carried away
Well, at least once in awhile
If I make a honest mistake I never get to forget about it
Like this one time when I let my eyes wander a little
And I'm like, "Hey, come on, you did me dirty."
But they just keep coming up with more things I'd rather not remember
You know, sometimes they even use my own words and logic against me
Man, it's like they enjoy hurting me, you know?
Anyway, um, I still love them
Cause they do cool stuff as well
Uh well, I think I should probably stop rambling on an on
because the only thing I actually wanted to say is:
I
Am
Awesome!
That's all you really need to know
So, at some point, if you need a place to go
that will make you forget how inconsequential your life has become
No matter how pitiful
And no matter how worthless you are to the rest of the planet and humanity
As long as you have the ability to hit that like button
You can rest assured there's one place that will always welcome you
The best Minecraft channel ever
CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
I said, "C" (C)
"A" (A)
"P" (P)
"TAIN" (TAIN)
"...Sparklez!" (Sparklez!)
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez, CaptainSparklez
CaptainSparklez
|
||||
2. |
To Get To The Other Side
03:11
|
|||
Trying to end the year strong
Really wanna win that coin
You made me want to rage quit
Give up and never rejoin
It's all a mess and all wrong
I can't believe you've done this
Tubbo what'd I ever do to you
You sent me down Into the abyss
Well sometimes I slip and get annoyed
But Tubbo watch out or you'll get destroyed
Stabbed me in the back
And I said Fuck You Philza
Now I'm catching flack
Cause I said Fuck You Philza
Knocked me off the stage
And I said Fuck You Philza
Filled me with rage...
Now I'll fuck you up Tubbo my boy-o
You did it more than once, Tubbo
Wish I'd never carried you
Made me look like a dunce, Tubbo
It's time you got a clue
Vengeance is a coming
It's just a matter of time
You'll lose in every single race
Tubbo what you did is a crime
Well sometimes I work but I'm self employed
A fulltime bad ass that you oughta avoid
Stabbed me in the back
And I said Fuck You Philza
Now I'm catching flack
Cause I said Fuck You Philza
Knocked me off the stage
And I said Fuck You Philza
Filled me with rage...
Now I'll fuck you up Tubbo my boy-o
Head to head you are no threat
I aim to give you a whack
After you're unalived there's more, Sneeg will be next
And Philza will have to wait.
Well sometimes I sleep and dream of the void
I'm hunting you down, you are a dead cuboid
Stabbed me in the back
And I said Fuck You Philza
Now I'm catching flack
Cause I said Fuck You Philza
Knocked me off the stage
And I said Fuck You Philza
Filled me with rage...
Stabbed me in the back
And I said Fuck You Philza
Now I'm catching flack
Cause I said Fuck You Philza
Knocked me off the stage
And I said Fuck You Philza
Filled me with rage...
Now I'll fuck you up Tubbo my boy-o
I didn't say fork
And meant it
|
||||
3. |
I'll Punch Your Face
03:09
|
|||
I was walking down the street one day
Lifting every stranger that passed my way
When suddenly darkness fell around me
The air grew cold as I looked up to see
A 5-year-old giant female butterbean
The meanest looking kid I'd ever seen
On her way home from kindergarten
She looked at me & crushed her milk carton
Lurching forward expecting me to move
But I stood firm with something to prove
She looked down at me and with a smirk said,
"You better get out of my way butthead."
I was nervous but I had an idea
I wouldn't run from this bitch Sophia
After I said a quick little prayer
I shouted, "Oh my gosh look over there!"
That's when I threw a left hook
Followed by an uppercut
I put her on the ground
She's wishing she'd kept her mouth shut
So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids...
Give me some space. Or I will punch you in your face.
Walking the next day I was feelin' fine
Word of my dominance had spread online
I didn't expect trouble again
At least until, I ran into Glen
In kidergarten for the 2nd time
So tough he didn't have a bedtime
When he was alone he was quite bossy
But this time he brought along the posse
Sophia had friends in low places
None of which could tie their own shoelaces
I may have bitten off more than I could chew
These kids were about to beat me black & blue
Max was there with his wiffleball bat
Susie in soccer cleats geared for combat
Billy found some Jarts in his dads garage
Planning to unleash an aerial barrage
That's when I threw a left hook
Followed by a roundhouse kick
Blood & snot all over my hands
The smell of fishsticks was making me sick
So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids...
You should know your place. Or I will punch you in your face.
Winning that fight made me a big man
Gained a lot of CaptainSparklez Stans
I fought to prove I wasn't a doormat
But I learned something from this little spat
I kinda enjoyed beating up kids
Punching their eyes closing their eyelids
So from then on, I did it for fun
And now you know how it all begun
I still throw a lot of left hooks
And I'm working on a new suplex
I'm lifting lots of weights cause
Punching kids is my favorite flex
So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids...
Give me some space. Or I will punch you in your face.
Yeah
|
||||
4. |
||||
(Win
Please win)
(Win
Please win)
(Win)
Ok girls
(Please win)
(Win
Please win)
Well Hi there viewers you know me
I used to be a major dud in MCC
I was number one, in losing streaks
'Til Scott looked at my team and made some tweeks
My name is Jardon, now get this right
I'm gonna hip you to my team that is out of sight
Our man Purpled's live and got the drive
As our in game leader he's gonna thrive
Now this is Oli our team time keeper
Cat's out of the bag he's a massive sleeper
Don't forget Tommy boy and when conversing
All I can understand is all the cursing
To any doubters who didn't rejoin
You can fork off baby, I got me a coin
The curse is broken, no third place for me
Twenty-two's my number, and now I'm free!
(Please shoot oh hear my plea
Oh Captain can't you see
You're gonna take us to the top
You're making history
And it feels so good to me
Ooh Captain please don't ever stop)
Let's get goin', don't be tardy
It's time for Quig's birthday party - (par-ty)
These hungry Pink Parrots started of fast
We all thought meltdown was a crazy blast
We ran, we tagged and in first we stayed
And thanks to Tommy, we got DMCA'ed
They cooled our jets, with a another dunk
And in rocket spleef, our performance stunk
We toppled some walls, to get back on track
And I'm not gonna lie, my performance was cracked
Then Twitter made us Ace Race, admins loled
While MichaelMcChill wanted the map recalled
The ensuing battle went terribly bad
We all got killed by jojo, and were intensely mad
Before Sand of Time, our faith was shaken
If you counted us out, you were mistaken
I went down down into some mazes
I opened the blue vault and killed some blazes
(Please shoot oh hear my plea
Oh Captain can't you see
You're gonna take us to the top
This is your destiny
This thing was meant to be
Take the shot you will not be a flop)
Say your shorts ain't green and your shirt ain't black?
Well get lost kid, your look is whack
(Ba da ba da ba da da da pa....
Do it Captain
Do it.)
We got across like a boss with a shocking ending
Got on top with a hop and now were ascending
It was Dodgebolt time we had the crowd
The chat was screaming and getting loud
We won the first game, then started to stumble
I'm not placing blame, but what a fumble
Our backs against the wall Purpled took control
Shot Dream then George and that crushed their soul
The final shot was mine it was time to cleanup
The real fake Captain just stood up
Now I've won it all, I call it "The Dub"
It's time to party people get back to the hub.
(You shot I feel such glee
Oh Captain we love thee
At last you took us to the top
You sure made history
And it feels so good to me
Oh Captain please don't ever stop.)
Kara's crying and Jerry's right there
Now go buy Quality Content ready to wear
(You shot I feel such glee
Oh Captain we love thee
At last you took us to the top
You sure made history
And it feels so good to me
Oh Captain please don't ever stop.)
|
||||
5. |
Agents Of The DMCA
03:04
|
|||
They're always watching, and ready to strike
Taking all my money, this I do not like
Those agents of the D M C A
Please have mercy, and let all my ads stay
My weight re-rackers, drop land mines
Watching and waiting, for me to miss the signs
If the claim is false, it might as well be true
Appeal the claim, for a month I wait on you
You had no reason, to make that claim
It's called fair use man, I take no blame
You know that it's wrong for you to act this way
But you do it anyway
Please don't copystrike me
If I meant to do it, I might feel bad
You have to admit, this would make you mad
But a 10 second meme it just took me down
And that's why YouTube is a corporate clown
You had no reason, to make that claim
It's called fair use man, I take no blame
You know that it's wrong for you to act this way
But you do it anyway
Please don't copystrike me
If I hit mute fast enough
Maybe I'll avoid a scruff
Try to talk over you
Not sure if that will do
But it's hard to know what's right
When the claims are made to smite
I try to cut it out
When I have any doubt
You had no reason, to make that claim
It's called fair use man, I take no blame
You know that it's wrong for you to act this way
But you do it anyway
Please don't copystrike me
Don't do it man.
I mean can we just talk about it?
Maybe we can hug it out?
|
||||
6. |
||||
Reddoons carried us hard throughout Extraction
I was pretty slow down by the Bay
I helped my team in Spleef by self subtraction
Moved really slow but stayed out of the way
Someday, it was bound to happen
Happened amid all these tryhard pros
Got carried once again to a victory
Victory for me just cause I did not throw
When my moment came I froze and gave it away
Took a back seat like this was teams of fours
Melee is not hard when you get carried each time
Now you know my strat when playing Block Wars
Yeah…
A Ninja took control when we played some Skyzone
The next Battle was more of the same
Did my best in a Race but needed a bigger game
Went to a Party but my moment never came
Kara took control of Bridge defense
While Jojo said let the scoring commence
Ninja showed that he could play offense
Jojo's goal made the other team wince
Game is over, pressure was immense
I'm a champ now but drop the pretense
We all get carried once in awhile...
Someday, it was bound to happen
Happened amid all these tryhard pros
Got carried once again to a victory
Victory for me just cause I did not throw
When my moment came I froze and gave it away
Took a back seat like this was teams of fours
Melee is not hard when you get carried each time
Now you know my strat when playing Block Wars
I got carried to a win in Block Wars
Yeah…
|
||||
7. |
||||
8. |
||||
I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes
Singing ooooh
Creeper's KO'd
Loot his remains and now his sulfur's mine
Singing ooooh
Not today no
Then I'll go to work under the birch tree
And I'll make myself tons of TNT
And I'll use it all to build a city
I'll mine it all with TNT
'Cause, baby, tonight
The creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again
'Cause, baby, tonight
Grab your pick, shovel, and bolt again
And run, run until it's done, done
Until the sun comes up in the morn'
'Cause, baby, tonight
The creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again
I gaze off into the boundless skyline
Noteblock choirs playing in the sunshine
Turn 'round pick up my sword and wield
The blade that once forced evil mobs to yield
And hope one day that this chaos and
Destruction turns for the better
Never a bow in hand
And that was when I ruled the land
This ain't your land, you are gonna get banned
So you know,
When you plan to go,
When you're diggin', you'd better listen
So you know,
When they gonna show,
Makin' sure you're all prepared before you go go go go go
(Diggin' Minecraft style)
Cast the shadows out from sight
A final stand a shouting cry
All the wrongs now turned to right
So fight the past
Take back the night
(Ya know, that’s still a weird moment…)
Don’t know if I have ever heard you sing but I hear it
Hear it, hear it, hear it, hear it,
Don’t know if I have ever held your hand but I seek it
Seek it, seek it, seek it, seek it
Courage to stop a cannonball
Together we stand 30 feet tall
We got a fire that burns within
We are the Dragonhearted
We are the Dragonhearted
So rush over me one more time
I will miss you, torn apart after tonight
And we can't fix it
Rush over me one more time
The end is coming
Rush over, rush over me
'Cause I will miss you
The lights go off, its sparks are drumming in my heart
Its spell, too much
There's magic in your eyes
The two of us are starting to ignite
'Cause we are the night
Waiting in our hearts
We can never be apart
Wanting just to see
The person I set out to be
Finding what I need
Whisper to the stars as we
Hold these promises tonight
(Turn it up turn it up)
Whenever you're fallin' hit play
Turn it up turn it up
If you feel you're too far away
Turn it up turn it up
Don’t craft a diamond hoe, it’s useless
The end without a bow, you clueless
Got them phantoms raining down
You ain’t sleepin yeah they ruthless
While you suck we out here stuntin’
Use the wiki don’t know nothin’
Yeah, I’m gonna ride my horse ‘til the old bell toll
I’m gonna ride ‘cause I’m on patrol
I’m gonna ride my horse ‘til the old bell toll
I’m gonna ride ‘cause I’m on patrol
So be careful what you wish for, my friend
Kingdoms often fall in the end
Heed the words of those who are wise
And with some luck your kingdom may rise
Your kingdom may rise
Your kingdom may rise
|
||||
9. |
Laeko - Bangers
02:53
|
|||
Quality Content dot com
Welcome back to the sub
To the sub
To the sub
Welcome back to the sub
To the sub
To the sub
Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again
Back at it again
Awww man awww man
Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again
Back at it again
What the frick
Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here
Bangers here
Bangers here
Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here
It's Spintown
Oh it's Spintown dude
On no RIP Spintown
Spintown
Spintown
On no RIP Spintown
Spintown
Spintown
Oh frick balls
Oh frick balls
Oh frick balls
I meant to say fork
Oh frick balls
Oh frick balls
Oh frick balls
I'm going to get claimed, oh no
Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again
back at it again
Awww man awww man
Ok here comes Spintown, back at it again
back at it again
What the frick
Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here
Bangers here
Bangers here
Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here
It's Spintown
Oh it's Spintown dude
On no RIP Spintown
Spintown
Spintown
On no RIP Spintown
Spintown
Spintown
I once punched a kindergartener
Unalive
*scream of rage*
As a parent I really appreciate you using all the appropriate language in your videos
As a parent I really appreciate you using all the appropriate language
Fuck you
Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here
Bangers here
Bangers here
Spintown keeps just dropping bangers here
It's Spintown
Oh it's Spintown dude
On no RIP Spintown
Spintown
Spintown
On no RIP Spintown
Spintown
Spintown
|
||||
10. |
We Are The H.O.A.
02:26
|
|||
- Lead Vocalist 1
* Lead Vocalist 2
No indicator means both vocalist sing.
-If you've got an eyesore next door
-And you can't take it anymore
-Don't worry help has now arrived
-We're cleaning up on Sleep Deprived
*We don't want to create friction
*But this is in our juristiction
*Don't think of it as a fine
*It's a chance for a redesign
We go by the book
And if you fail your inspections
We'll take another look
After you make your corrections
*Property value is sky high
*Due to the rules that we apply
-Our complaint box is always bare
Because the people know we care
If you want to be defiant
You'll be H.O.A. non compliant
You should watch it and don't push it
It'll be best if you just submit
We go by the book
And if you fail your inspections
We'll take another look
After you make your corrections
No floating
No weeds
No videos
No gobbys
No bugs
If you don't respect
We're here to collect
We go by the book
And if you fail your inspections
We'll take another look
After you make your corrections
- I'm from the H.O.A. and I'm here to help.
|
||||
11. |
Spintown Middletown, Ohio
I used to run a songwriting contest called SpinTunes. Most of the material hosted on this account is a result of that contest. The rest is mostly Minecraft related songs.
Streaming and Download help
Spintown recommends:
If you like Spintown, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp