I was walking down the street one day
Lifting every stranger that passed my way

When suddenly darkness fell around me
The air grew cold as I looked up to see

A 5-year-old giant female butterbean
The meanest looking kid I'd ever seen

On her way home from kindergarten
She looked at me & crushed her milk carton

Lurching forward expecting me to move
But I stood firm with something to prove

She looked down at me and with a smirk said,
"You better get out of my way butthead."

I was nervous but I had an idea
I wouldn't run from this bitch Sophia

After I said a quick little prayer
I shouted, "Oh my gosh look over there!"

That's when I threw a left hook
Followed by an uppercut
I put her on the ground
She's wishing she'd kept her mouth shut
So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids...
Give me some space. Or I will punch you in your face.

Walking the next day I was feelin' fine
Word of my dominance had spread online

I didn't expect trouble again
At least until, I ran into Glen

In kidergarten for the 2nd time
So tough he didn't have a bedtime

When he was alone he was quite bossy
But this time he brought along the posse

Sophia had friends in low places
None of which could tie their own shoelaces

I may have bitten off more than I could chew
These kids were about to beat me black & blue

Max was there with his wiffleball bat
Susie in soccer cleats geared for combat

Billy found some Jarts in his dads garage
Planning to unleash an aerial barrage

That's when I threw a left hook
Followed by a roundhouse kick
Blood & snot all over my hands
The smell of fishsticks was making me sick
So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids...
You should know your place. Or I will punch you in your face.

Winning that fight made me a big man
Gained a lot of CaptainSparklez Stans

I fought to prove I wasn't a doormat
But I learned something from this little spat

I kinda enjoyed beating up kids
Punching their eyes closing their eyelids

So from then on, I did it for fun
And now you know how it all begun

I still throw a lot of left hooks
And I'm working on a new suplex
I'm lifting lots of weights cause
Punching kids is my favorite flex
So you crayon eating, nose picking, annoying kids...
Give me some space. Or I will punch you in your face.

Yeah